"Yeah, I'm okay. I just...don't feel that well." I unclenched my fists and looked back at the TV screen. A commercial for some perfume was on, and the nearly-naked girl was parading in front of the camera with her perfect body. I certainly wasn't attracted to the girl or anything, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her because of something I noticed.
I could count more ribs on my body than I could on hers! Elation filled me, and my former sadness was washed away in this new revelation. Yes, I still needed to lose weight, but I could see more ribs on my body than on hers! For a moment, I was so ecstatic that I almost told Ari. Then, I remembered that she wouldn't understand - and I didn't want her to. I didn't want her to know anything about my starving.
Ari was watching me with a concerned look on her face, but I flashed her a smile. "Sorry, I just remembered something some guy said to me," I quickly postured, trying to come up with a reason why I would look so happy so suddenly. "He said it was good to see me again this year, and that he was excited to be in one of the same classes as me."
Before Ari could speak, the theme music for the show filled the room, and I settled back, safe. It was like I was on this huge high or something, and I could finally relax.
It wasn't long, however, before the smile was wiped off my face. One of the actresses was far skinnier than I was. So I resigned myself to my fate and began to flex my muscles underneath the blanket. Might as well try to burn a few calories here and there if I was just going to sit.
Anxiety welled within me as I watched the actress, and I could tell it wouldn't be long before I had another panic attack.
But not here. Not right now. Not in front of Ari.
I stuck a kernel of popcorn in my mouth just to please Ari before turning my mind to the number of calories I was burning in my stationary exercise.