How much more of an idiot could you possibly be, Balthazar? You've got in far too deep with this one. You're always in and out, and forget about emotions.
So what went wrong?
I had thought that going to the Backstreet Club would help, but now I'm here, I can tell more than ever that something's wrong. Badly wrong.
I used to be out there, laughing and joking, scrapping and swearing, running around with the best and the worst of them. All of them like me.
All of them Fallen.
But now... I can't concentrate on the game of pool in front of me, on Jam, who's cheating, on foul-mouthed Bez, puffing on his cigarette.
This is useless. I'm drowning. I can feel the air pressing around me like water, boxing me in, shutting me off. Everyone moves slowly, as if through treacle. I can't hear what people are saying, it's silent and too, too loud all at the same time.
What's happening to me?
What went wrong?