Jamie: Confused...

She had a boyfriend?


She had a boyfriend?

But... how? Sarah always told me everything. She knew she needed to tell me everything because I was totally dependent on her friendship. She knew how much it hurt me when someone betrayed me: the last people who had betrayed me were my parents and that had almost killed me. Literally.

I didn't understand. Sarah always protected me, without ever complaining; held my hand and squeezed it tightly when the pain of the grief threatened to throw me off-balance; even looked after me as if I were her little brother - feeding me when I refused to eat and wiping my tears away with a tissue when the sadness escaped. How could she keep something from me? How could she cause me this misery? It didn't make sense.

There must be something more to it than this, I thought. Perhaps she didn't want to hurt my feelings, though she hadn't known I loved her till today. Perhaps she wanted to protect her boyfriend, the way she'd always protected me. Though she knew that I would never laugh, never be mean to someone in my own or a similar situation.

Perfectly good reasons out of the way, I started to consider worrying motives.

1. Her boyfriend was abusive and violent and she felt she couldn't get away.

2. She didn't really have a boyfriend and had just said that to stop me from telling me how I felt about her again.

3. Or... and this thought hurt the worst... She had wanted to keep a secret from me. Her private life was none of my business and she didn't want us to share everything.

That hurt the worst because the sort of relationship we had was meant to be open. If I didn't have a friend that I could rely upon completely... it didn't bear thinking about.

Oh Sarah, why've you done this to me? I thought despairingly. I'm so confused...

The End

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