Tall DrinkMature

I have never really understood the expression "tall drink of water." The phrase usually refers to a voluptuous female or gallant-looking guy; this much is true, but why a drink? And why water? I assume it is because water is refreshing, especially when thirsty, and to imagine someone "thirsting" for a counterpart - well, you understand the gist of my observation.

Perhaps I could tell you a story about a certain man named Sid, who was quite a "tall drink of water," himself.

Sid lived a rather happy life, as most ordinary people do in the twenty first century. He was employed at a moderate sized company, but was never allowed to work overtime. His pay checks paid the bills, affording Sid to live alone.

With all of his spare time, the poor fellow became very lonely and bored. There was never very much to entertain him outside of work, because Sid never really cared for other people. The man craved interaction, but refused to mingle among the other drones of his species. 

This prompted an idea; Sid should buy a pet! But this was no small task, because he had standards (and allergies).

Dogs were too needy for the man, and there were times when Sid just wanted to be left alone. The rather loud barks of dogs were displeasing to hear, and caused his head to ache.

Cats were far too independent, and their fur made such a mess that simply annoyed Sid. Their claws scratched and shredded the man's furniture, and nearly destroyed his apartment.

"Aha!" Finally he stumbled upon a brilliant animal for sale, "and it comes all the way from Japan? I'll take it!"

What was this man's solution? He searched the pet shops and other animal stores, until he discovered one that was just right for his needs. That very same day Sid brought home a fish!

With the little creature swimming playfully inside of a fish bowl, he did not have to worry about noise or nuisance. Whenever he wanted to spend time with his fish, Sid would tap against the glass of the bowl. When he desired to be alone, he would set the bowl in another room.

One day, the poor fellow forgot to set his alarm clock, and woke up late for work. He was in a rush; no time for breakfast, or a shower, or for the fish, which was left in another room. Luckily he arrived to his place of employment without being considerably late, so Sid was not terminated from the company.

After a very hectic day at work, he wearily returned to his apartment. Sid fixed himself something to eat (nothing more than a meager sandwich), then walked to his bedroom with the idea of spending some time on his computer. As he entered the room, he immediately noticed something was very amiss.

The floor was not just wet, but completely saturated with water. A sizable puddle had accumulated in the middle of the room, and floating upon the surface of the miniature pond were bits of broken glass. 

To his relief, Sid's electronic devices were not damaged or compromised, but after a brief search, he could not find his pet fish!

It was not under the bed; it had not flopped into the closet; it was nowhere to be seen. This was very strange, so he continued his investigation elsewhere.

There was no sign of the little creature in the bathroom, so he turned to exit, but decided to use the restroom before quitting it. Astonishingly enough, there was not a single trace of water inside of his porcelain toilet. Once he concluded his business, Sid attempted to wash his hands under the faucet of the sink, but again, to his astonishment, there was no water!

He was very concerned, and began to wonder (if not panic) at the idea of the water company turning off his supply.

"Did I forget to pay my bill?"

Sid tried the handles of his shower, but the same sad scenario played out before him. He switched them on and off, but without any flowing fluids, the only sound was the shower handles squeaking.

"I should give the water company a call."

He departed from the bathroom, but just as the door closed behind him, Sid jumped back in sudden surprise. Standing before him, towering well over the man, was his pet fish. The thing was gigantic!

Somehow the creature had mutated into a monstrosity, and its hollow eyes were staring directly at Sid. Its belly was fat, and streams of water were pouring past its gills and scales. The poor fellow had not forgotten to pay his bills; before him stood the culprit, the answer to the disappearance of his water.

The fish was quite thirsty, and still only being able to breathe mostly water, it was also terribly winded. The slimy noises of the monster heaving heavy sighs disgusted Sid, but he had little time to react to what happened next.

As most of us know, including myself, the human being is comprised mostly of water. You wouldn't think it was so, considering how tough (or fat) our exteriors can be. The same held true for Sid.

Well, the pet fish turned on its master, and simply drank Sid up. The poor fellow didn't have a chance to escape his fate, once the fish grabbed him with its mutated, scaly appendages. It was a very unfortunate affair, especially since Sid was already having such a bad day.

The water of the man's anatomy served as oxygen to the monstrous creature. The bones, skin, hair, and other bits of the body? I suppose you could say that they were merely digested like fish food.

In the end, it could certainly be said that Sid was a "tall drink of water."

The End

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