"Trgaedy is the greatest source of inspiration." Kelsey had uttered those words to me one night the previous summer, after we'd gotten into a fight over something or other. We'd been laying in her bed, then, all tangled up in the sheets and each other, and time had ceased to exist.
The sprawling streets of New York City stretched on into forever. The city had once been beautiful to me, but now...now it was empty. Only, it was all I had, whether I wanted it or not, and I had a feeling some things just couldnt be escaped.
I was almost more angry than hurt. Almost. But of course, I was still overwhelmed with the great realization that she was gone, that Kelsey Kay Vanderson would never again stand beside me, would never throw her arms aroound my neck to catch me off guard or trail her fingertips down my chest when she could see that I was hurting. No one had been able to save me like her, over and over and over again.
Kelsey had always been one for dramatics. Eventually, a part of me had almost come to resent that about her. But I could never hate her, not even a little. She was crazy, but so were half the kids here. Hell, it was the only thing uniting us all, aside from our passion for our art. I’d known that Kelsey was screwed up. I guess I’d just never known quite how much. And now what? I should have done something. And I hadnt. I'd let her go.
You killed her.
I was walkig down Fifth Avenue, heading into Central Park. My camera swung lazily from my wrist. I thought that maybe if I took a few dozen pictures, I'd be able to distract myself. Maybe even find something in this damn city worth sticking around for.
When I closed my eyes, I could still feel her fingers moving gently down my jawbone, her lush lips whispering words of love and promises of forever. Was this her idea of forever?
I mean, we all had problems, or unresolved issues, or whatever. As if I wasn’t upset about my parents split, or that fact that I was constantly surrounded by fakes and liars, or that my entire life depended upon what happened inside WAoA. As if I didn’t wish I’d been dealt a different hand. But that didn’t mean I was running around making plans to off myself. I knew that not every goddamn thing was the end of the world. And how dare Kelsey be so selfish?
I realized I’d stopped walking, that I was just standing in the middle of the sidewalk, letting people rush past me. They were all getting on with their lives, unfazed, probably even unaware that someone had just died. They were all moving on, but not Kelsey, because she was dead, and not me because she had somehow managed to kill a bit of me along with her.