I don't think I'm ever going to forget that day. The day Kelsey died. I was out of school because I'd had an audition, only for a small part, but it was enough for me to have the day ou of classes. My phone was turned off but I was meeting up with some friends for a coffee.
I strode through the door to the coffee bar, a big grin on my face when I saw my mates talking solemnly at our usual table by the window. I should have noticed something was wrong.
'What's with the long faces guys? No-one died did they?' As soon as the words came out of my mouth I knew I had said the wrong thing. No-one laughed, I didn't even get a small smile.
'That's not funny Alex,' my best friend, Luke, said.
'What is it?' I looked frantically at every face at the table. 'What's happened?'
'Stop messing around Alexei,' Imogen snapped, her eyes filling up with tears. 'You can't honestly say you haven't heard. The whole school knows!'
'I wasn't in today. I had that audition, remember?' The penny dropped as my group of friends realised I genuinely had no clue.
'You know that girl, the one you were mates with, Kelsey.' My stomach dropped like a stone into my shoes. Kelsey had been the girl of my dreams for almost a year now. She was funny and smart and I can't remember the last time I'd seen her without a smile on her face.
'What's happened to her?'
'She's dead Alex,' Imogen said bluntly. 'She killed herself.' It was like a dagger was thrust right through my heart. She can't be dead. She had everything going for her so why would she kill herself?
'Alex?' I could hear the voices of my friends in some corner of my mind, asking if I was OK, but I was so stunned I had to force myself to reply.
'I'm... I'm fine, it's just... such a waste.. I can't believe it.'
'No-one can,' Jude muttered. He wasn't the most sympathetic person in the world, but I knew that and shouldn't have reacted the way I did.
'Kelsey wasn't that type of girl. She was better than any of you sitting at this table, probably worth more than most of you put together, so I think it's quite reasonable for me to question why she would think things were so bad there was no other way out.'
'Calm down mate.' Luke was starting to look embarressed as people turned to stare at us. 'It's someone we barely knew. It's sad but not worth getting that depressed about.'
'Well maybe you didn't know her that well, but I did.' I picked up my messenger bag from where I had dumped it on the floor by the table. 'If you don't mind I'm going home. It's been a long day.' Not waiting for a reply I stalked out of the cafe and back into the open air. I felt like I was about to cry, so hurried back to my student flat, not wanting people to see me crying. There was only one thought running through my head as I fought to hold back the tears.
I never told her.