It was so like Kelsey.
The minute Dr. Gail's voice came over the loud speaker, when the rest of the world seemed to have stopped turning and I was more than certain everything was going to fall apart, all I could think was that it was just so like her.
It was the kind of day where I was feeling both nervous and excited. I'd woken with the unshakable feeling that the universe was about to undergo a massive change. Change was something I'd always sort of embraced. Change was all that kept the world turning. But this...this was not what I'd had in mind.
The photograph I'd been clinging to slipped from my fingers and seemed to crash onto the ground. I stumbled backwards until I found a chair to fall into. Denial. No, not denial. Certainty. She couldnt be gone. I'd have felt it. Goddammit, I'd have felt it.
I couldnt quite make out what Dr. Gail was saying. I was fading in and out of extreme clarity and shattered blurriness. I was drifting....farther....farther. I was letting go.
Dr. Gail was releasing school. Wescott's Institute of Art was a small school, numbering less than five-hundred students. In its prestigious ways, none could compare. And I loved it and hated it and wanted it all at once. Much the same as Kelsey. Love, and hate, and want.
Can you still love something that's gone? Can you still hate it?
Minutes dragged by. And in my head, I could think of nothing but her. Her deep brown curls brushing against me. Her stunning green eyes as they glanced at me across the room, always so etched with a hidden secret I wondered if even I had been aware of. And those lips, so succulent and soft as they pulled away from my own, whispered those three irrevocable words I'd so clung to.
I was quite certain I was going to burst out into tears if I didnt escape that prison. I needed to go, to push myself as far away from everything as I could. I needed an out, I needed a cup of coffee, I needed a cigarette, I needed a camera. I needed.....her.
Not possible, the sadistic demon in my mind whispered. She's gone now, Tavin. She's gone, and you didnt save her. You didnt love her enough to save her.
Yes, the tears were spilling free now. All but knocking the chair back, I jumped to my feet, reaching for the camera that had been resting upon the table. Small and silver, the little machine had been my coping mechanism when a mere touch from Kelsey hadnt been enough. I thought that someone may have been calling me back, but I wasnt sure, and anyway, I didnt give a damn. I was running, pushing my way out of the room and out of the school.
New York. The city that never slept. Except for Kelsey. She would sleep forever.
You didnt love her enough.