He looked crushed when I turned down his kiss. It was like he was the little kid who had just dropped his ice-cream and I was the big bully that had to go and stamp on it. I'd be lying if I said I never expected this. I'm surprised he didn't do this sooner.
Besides, this wasn't the first time a gay guy had made a pass at me. Many times at nightclubs they came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance. I learnt from experience that the best response to this was just to say that you're not interested and leave it that.
A guilty part of me wondered if I had kept my nicer side hidden from him this would have never happened. Maybe if I had continued acting like an ass towards him he would have eventually moved on. Perhaps even fallen for someone with better qualities and could make him a lot more happier than I ever could.
An even guiltier part of me forced what I felt when he kissed me into the deep, dark area of my mind, the fact that I didn't hate it. That there was a clenching in my stomach which I couldn't just put down to the kiss's abruptness.
What am I thinking? The thought hit me like a slap to a face. If the guys at school ever found out about this I'd never live it down. I'd never get any dates.
"Lucas," I said, not being able to keep the coldness out of my voice.
"Yes?" Lucas replied, looking at me, embarrassed and crestfallen.
"I think it's best if you stay with Lucy tonight. And the next. Until you find a flat of your own."
A tear came rolled down his cheek, but he never spoke a word. Not even to ask me why.
"Okay," he sniffled, exiting the kitchen as I pulled out the phone to dial Lucy's number.
"You jackass!" Lucy yelled at me as we stood alone in our front porch. Lucas was upstairs in my room, gather his belongings from the night before. "Why would you do such a thing? And to such a sweet guy!"
"I didn't do any thing!" Before I could stop myself I shouted back at her.
Lucy stared at me dumbfounded. This was the first time I had ever raised my voice at her, ever told her that she was wrong. A silence settled in between us, though I swear I could hear my loud words echo through the atmosphere.
"I didn't do anything," I repeated, this time in my 'inside voice', shattering the silence. "It's not my fault I'm not interested in him as more a friend."
Lucy's mouth flapped open, but snapped shut again as she considered what to say next.
"You could have at least given him another chance," she said finally. "He wouldn't have tried it again."
"I wasn't going to risk it," I replied, crossing my arms in a deliberate imitation of her. She smacked me. "Ouch!"
"Good. I hoped that hurt."
"It didn't really," I said, sticking out my tongue. She tried to hit me again, but I foresaw it and grabbed her wrist.
"What are you doing?" She cried out, trying to pull away from my grip. "Let go!"
What happened next I can only describe as impulse. Perhaps I just wanted to forget about what had between me and Lucas, perhaps I had always wanted to it. It could have even been just spur of the moment. Before I knew it my lips were pressed against Lucy's.
At first it was like kissing stone. In her surprise she remained still. But then she began to kiss me back, and even though everyone knows that kissing is overrated, I swear I felt fireworks exploding into my head. My heart was racing and my whole body pulsing. I had her pressed up against the side of the house, her body hot against mind.
When we broke away both of us were out of breath, despite my heavy involvement in the school's athletics squad and hers in the swim team.
"Oh Cody," she said, exhaling deeply. "You're a really great kisser but..." She trailed off and we heard the back door between us swing open and slam shut.
"Shit!" We cursed at the same time as we saw Lucas sprint out of it in floods of tears.
"He must have seen us."