I must admit, it feels kind of pathetic writing letters to my computer, especially when I have a boyfriend and friends at my fingers. Well, that's not true. For the friends I want to talk to aren't around, and my boyfriend is too busy getting high. And I know if I would have said something, he would have stayed to talk to me tonight, but I let it go. Maybe I just want a reason to be mad at him.
I quit smoking today. I go in and out of cravings, but right now I'm just tired. I bawled my eyes out a second ago, but I guess I'm done now. Everyone else is turning in to sleep, and I suppose I ought to do the same.
I miss smoking. I can tell this is going to be tough. Part of me just wants to say "f*ck it" and keep on secretly smoking, but I know neither my wallet nor my health can afford it.
I guess I just want to feel like I can control something again.
I'll go running tomorrow.