What Do I Want?

7th October 2011

Dear Diary,

I don't even know what I want any more.

Boys of course being the top of the agenda but do I even want one?! My friend was talking to me today about prom (which is not for another.. 8 months or so) and I realised that at least by then I want someone. I remember last time I went to a prom, it broke my heart that I was alone. I don't want that to happen again... then, of course, that is the wrong reason to start dating someone.
And who would I date? Things are just simpler when you're single... no pressure, no mess-ups.

I see all of these people around who know exactly what they want to do when they get older, only a little older mind you since I'm in year eleven. I used to be one of those people. I used to walk around proudly wearing my hopes on my forehead and letting everyone know that I knew what I wanted to be and yet now it's all changed...
And now I'm not sure any more. I wanted to be a doctor, a surgeon, a shrink. Something medical. And now? Now I'm enjoying English.
She tells me I should be a poet but I'm not that good. But... I enjoy English; I enjoy editorial work... Only I couldn't be an editor because you need experience and I've never done anything like that.. never written anything for the school paper thing or done work experience on a newspaper... I have no experience! So I can't be an editor and I'll never be good enough to be a doctor.. in fact I wonder if I did actually ever want to be a doctor at all... I HAVE NO IDEA.

I'm completely confused.

Just needed a little rant I guess....

-
Lucy x 

 

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