November 15th 2010
Where do I begin? These past two days have been some of the most interesting if not two of the most painful days of my life. I'm not going to save you embarrasment, I'm going to name you. Yes Levi, named and shamed. I'm not going to take all the credit and blame, you are too. It all started well around two weeks ago, when we shared a mutual feeling. We cared about each other. In that way. Yes everyone, it began well. But then as I was rinsing the shampoo from my hair yesterday morning, I realised I didn't like you in that way. Now I know what you're all thinking. This girl is a cow, she's going to break this boy's heart. But I didn't want to hurt him, truly, and I knew the best thing to do was to tell him. I sat for hours, pondering what I was going to say. That evening I was on Facebook, and you squeezed it out of me. I hated that you found out that way. I hated myself. I seemed like I had dropped you like a hot coal, but it wasn't like that, Levi. I honestly didn't want to hurt you, but I'm emotionally immature, I admit. For a moment, I thought that I cared about you. If I had felt like that from the start, I wouldn't have gone there. At all. But my feelings changed, and that wasn't my fault. But now you resent me, you say. Would you just stop being a drama queen? It's really tiring. I have tried so hard to keep a friendship between us, you cannot begin to understand my efforts. But you Levi, stop playing the victim, because you are not all innocent in this either. You told me on a Facebook message that coming down to my school was a chore. Effort. And this was relating to an event before this whole thing happened. So you, Levi, have not one leg to stand on. I have grovelled. I have apologised countless times. All I wanted was your friendship, and because you are a bitter, unforgiving person, due to 'life's experiences' or whatever the heck you call it, at the age of 15, that is something to be upset about. The sheer fact that someone as young as that can't give someone a second chance is a sad, sad thing. So there you have it guys, a diary entry where my feelings have certainly been vented. Thank you for the oppurtunity, I just needed to get this off my chest.