To my most detestable, evil, irritating and downright evil brain.
You seem to take great joy in causing me pain and discomfort. Such as the times when you remind me that I've forgotten my EpiPens when I'm already halfway to London on the bus, and the times when you send massive pain signals at those moments when I tell you I already know my foot is caught in a bear trap.
You also give a platform for my characters to shriek at me from. Honestly, as if they didn't already complain enough (not that they don't have the right to...) but you seem to amplify their voices a thousand times over. Yes, I know I was mean to kill him off, yes I know it wasn't nice to break her heart and YES I know they will hate me forever more, but I don't need you to remind me of it.
And don't get me started on the random memory moments. Sometimes - when you clearly feel like having a little mercy on me - you bring up the most hysterical memories that make me burst out laughing at the worst moments. Like the middle of my Biology GCSE, for example.
Then there's the embarrassing memories that turn me as red as an overcooked lobster and make me wonder how I can live with such cringiness in my past. Like the time I started crying in front of my entire school when I slipped and fell off the stage accepting a prize in Year 6.
And strangely, for all your overactiveness at night - sending me dreams that even make ME wonder what's going on in my head - you never seem to wake up when I want you. Why can you absorb thousands of useless songs and ditties and yet ignore the blinking trigonometry and theorems I need for my Maths exams? WHY!?!?!?
I think you've never been the same since Sanity left us. Or perhaps I need to get some more duct tape. I think I'm coming unstuck...