Okay so from this weekend I have realised that I am way too young to start with the investigative business. Because I got so worked up over the Tommy thing...and getting drunk for the first time did not help. I mean, yeah it's good that that is all behind me. I cannot see myself consuming that much alcohol in one go again for a long time. But it wasn't very clever, and you have to have the intelligence to do what Dad does. And my perception skills were understandably impaired by the booze, to the extent that I realised I had somebody else's shoes on (don't even ask how that is possible). And most of all...well it wasn't very professional at all. You have to be really stoic in this job, and I'm only sixteen and caught up in my own life to notice everything else. Dad's really good at keeping his cool- he didn't take any time off when they killed my mother. He just carried on.
So I've decided from this that for now the solving crimes will be put aside completely. Not looked at again until I am eighteen, because then I will be an adult and much more in control of my life. I hope.
I saw Tommy today in homeroom and wanted to cry. But I'm working on the professionalism- by the end of the day I just got a lump in my throat. I think this is progress.