B-Rate Romance

Lex wants a love like she sees in the horror movies.


Lex smoothed her new poster over the bumpy surface of the wall.  The bikini clad woman depicted clung in seductive fear to the alien monster ensnaring her.  Lex would have given anything to hold onto someone like that.  She loved B-rate horror and Science Fiction movies.  Not so much for the monsters or tawdry plot lines but for the survivalist romantic overtures they portrayed. 

In her secret fantasies she was put into horrific and disastrous situations throwing her together with someone to love and protect her.  If only she could be found in such dire straits somebody would realize just how loveable she was.  Lex knew she would make a good girlfriend.  From her cute rounded nose to her quirky yet fashionable style she was girlfriend material.

Lex would think of things she’d do if she were in a relationship.  She would leave tokens of affection for him to find.  The words she would whisper in his ear.  How she would take up an interest in whatever it was that involved him.  If only a man would love her.

Her appeal was so apparent that even the seemingly evil monster would become taken with her.  Just like in The Creature from the Black Lagoon.  She wasn’t looking for a fairy tale.  She would have accepted any degree of love, a love as breathtaking as techni color or as mundane as black and white. 

She would have been happy with something fated to end as catastrophically as Ed Wood’s Plan Nine from Outer Space.  Her fervent desire was reflected in the dozens of posters that littered her dirty walls.  Scantily clad girls cowered from monsters, women in long gowns that clung to their curves screamed in the arms of robots and mangy beasts as Lex checked her phone for messages.

It seemed like weeks since she’d received one.  Platonic love had even managed to escape her grasp.  Yet the little icon flashed like a beacon of hope.  Someone wanted to talk to her.


FLESH EATING BUGS! beamed up above their heads in black centurion script on the marquee.  It claimed to be ‘an undiscovered classic’,’a B-rate gem’.  Lex was as equally cheerful to be seeing the film as she was to be doing something with him.  He stood unassuming with grubby hair and hands stuck deep into the pockets of an ill fitting coat.

To Lex the brown fleece was reminiscent of mulch.  The matted fibers resembled the mangled fur of an animal.  She danced around the lobby with anticipation.  Such a twitching that even the basest of creatures would find her adorable.

“I’m getting a drink, you want something?” She beamed at his attention to her.  “Some m&m’s would be nice.”  His pale pock marked face was as muted as the matte sheen of his black eyes.  “Is something wrong?”  “I hadn’t actually expected you to want anything.”  “Oh well, that’s alright.” She convinced herself.  “No it’s okay I’ll get them for you.”  A thin slip of a smile emerged from his unaffected face.  It wasn’t too much for her to ask she reasoned.  She had bought the tickets after all.


Humorous shorts and trailers played in the dimly lit space.  They sat in a sea of older patrons, individuals who had been present for the original reign of B-rate that had died out in the seventies.  Lex ignored his malodorous scent as she daintily popped brightly colored confections between her lips.

As the opening title sequence began to roll he lifted the worn velvet arm rest that divided them.  In near total darkness his breath was incredibly foul at her cheek.  She felt the altogether downy and coarse brush of un-kept pelt against her bicep. 

The words on the screen disappeared replaced by large scarab-esque beetles.  Their exoskeletons glinted with a dark liquid stain.  He placed his icy cold hand firmly atop her thigh.  The high squeal of a Theremin soared over them.

The beetles scrambled over the edge of the screen; their antennae twitching, searching.  Their myriad legs undulating cilia propelled them forward.  Lex could feel their tickle amidst her toes.  They wanted to eat her alive.  She needed to be loved, so she would let them.

The End

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