Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk ~ William Authur Ward.
This change was most definitely a foe, a curse and the darkness you see as dusk draws in and the blue sky melts away into inky blackness.
I loved to watch her sleep, some might think that it’s strange but there is something so beautiful about watching the one you love sleep, the innocence they show whilst in this state. Her eyes remained closed, and I watched in awe as her chest rose with each breath she took in, and collapsed at each one released. I rested my head on Megan’s shoulder and gently ran my fingertips up and down her chest in a circular pattern, thinking about last night and what had happened. It was beautiful, and powerful at the same time. We both knew our days together were numbered now and it was our expressing how much we loved each other.
Slowly she began to wake up from her light slumber and rolled over too gaze affectionately at me.
“You know, I wish this would never end” she said with sadness in her eyes,
“I know. It breaks my heart but we can’t let this ruin our last few days together. We need to make them memorable so I thought what we could do is we go and do something special everyday until I have to leave. Go and do something we can always look back on with fond memories. What do you think?”
“I think that is a wonderful idea Anna,”
“Right, okay how about the beach today?” I suggested, sitting up.
“Anna, it’s the start of December, its will be freezing at the beach!” Megan said,
“So what? Beaches make me happy and you make me happy so I think we need to put those two together,”
“Okay Anna. Let’s do it!” Megan agreed.
The general image when you think of a beach is of an over-populated beach on a hot summer but now this was replaced with a cold, dark shadow of emptiness and eerie abandonment as the winter months descended and had slowly began to empty the once human-contaminated shoreline. Not many people were at the beach which suited Megan and I just fine. We strolled along the sand battling against the bitterly cold wind which surrounded us, suffocated us. It was like winter had come back to claim me for its own but in reality the winter was the cancer inside my mum and it had come to claim both my mum and my relationship with Megan.
In the distance I could see a girl and her mum playing frisbee and a lump formed in my throat and I reflected on all the happy times with my mum. The beach had always been my happy place, so relaxing and tranquil and being here made me focus on the good things in life rather than the things going wrong. I had people who loved and cared for me and who would support me though everything and I had to remember that. I looped my arm through Megan’s and continued to wander along the beach, neither of us saying much and just soaking up the environment. Words didn’t need to be spoken as we both knew what we would say.
After a while we stopped walking and just stood staring out to sea, birds were gliding on the wind and in the distance I could see a tiny little fishing boat on the horizon, cast into silhouette as the sun began to slowly descend whilst the sky was gradually stained beautiful orange.
I turned to look at Megan and reached up my hand and placed it against hers; her hand had always been slightly bigger than but always oh so soft. Her fingers closed around my hand and my fingers around hers. We gazed into each other’s eyes, not saying a word, hardly breathing. The tide was rolling in now splashing over our feet but still we didn’t move.
They say that a picture can speak a thousand words so what would a picture of two women standing on the beach, hand in hand gazing adoringly back at one another whilst the sun set and the tide rolled in say?
It would say this;
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up ~ Anne Lamott.