I'm ready to talk, if you are.
I forgive you this time, but
I think we need to talk about
everything. You have to know
you can't keep doing this. Let
me know when you're free to talk. Xx
I felt instantly calmer knowing that Cara wanted to resolve things with me, it seemed to help me to breathe a little easier but at the moment I didn’t know when I would be free, not now my mother had decided she wanted to contact me. It had now been several days since I had walked out of the flat and gone for a very long walk to clear my head and yet it was still no clearer. My mother had persisted every day to try and get hold me and yet every time I saw her name pop up on my skype every single emotion bubbled up inside me once more so that I would instantly shut down my laptop no matter what I was doing.
My mum decided to try and ring me once when I was in the middle of doing some research for our project with Dani and I instantly had to save everything and shut down the laptop.
“What the hell Anna?” Dani said, “We were making good progress there, you can’t ignore her forever!”
“I can try!” I said getting to my feet and walking away from the laptop, “Look can we carry on working in the library or at yours, I fancy a change of scenery!”
Dani looked as though she was about to argue but decided against it, she had learned that when I had decided against doing something then there was no point going on about it. As we packed our books Dani took a different tack in trying to resolve the issue,
“Have you spoken to Cara recently?” she asked,
“I got a text from her but I haven’t had chance to speak to her properly but I replied to her, or I think I did,” I said before checking my phone to make sure I had replied to Cara’s text.
“Damn it,” I muttered,
“I didn’t realise the text hadn’t sent,” I said before quickly editing the message so that it was up to date and explained why I hadn’t replied to her sooner.
I am so glad to hear from you Cara. Yes I agree, we do need to talk about everything and I am really sorry for what I did. Been really busy but will Skype you when I can. Xx
I am so glad to hear from you Cara, Yes I agree, we do need to talk about everything and I am really sorry for what I did. I have been really busy which is why I haven’t had chance to text you until now but I will Skype you when I can. Xx
I finished writing my text and made sure it had sent before looking up. Dani was standing by the door, bag in hand ready to go, “Sorted?” she asked.
“Yeah lets go,” I replied grabbing my bag and heading out of the flat and into glorious sunshine,
“Shame we have to work when its so nice out,” I said trying to steer the conversation in any direction that wasn’t to do with my mother, but Dani seemed to have other ideas.
“Is it this sunny in England?” She asked, trying to sound offhand,
“No its mainly cloudy and rainy, its much nicer here,” I said pulling some sunglasses out of my bag and putting them on so I didn’t have to squint.
“I bet you miss it though?” Dani asked,
“Sometimes but I am enjoying my time here,”
“But I bet you miss your friends and your family….”
Here we go, I knew Dani was building up to this and it annoyed me that she wouldn’t just drop the subject, “Look Dani, I know what you are trying to do and it’s not going to work!”
“I’m not doing anything, I’m just saying that I bet you miss home,”
“Exactly, you’re steering the conversation so that we talk about my mum,”
“No I wasn’t,”
“Dani, don’t lie I know you were and I appreciate your concern but I really do not want to talk about her,”
“But if you just answered the phone to her…”
“No Dani,” I said firmly,
“She must really want to talk to you if she hasn’t stopped trying yet,”
“You don’t know my mum and I would really appreciate it if your kept your nose out,”
“I was only trying to help….”
“Yeah well I don’t want anyone’s help, I don’t want people sticking their noses in! If I don’t want to speak to her then it should be my choice! Not yours, not Megan’s, Mine okay!”
I was shouting now and people all around us were beginning to stare but I didn’t care. I was sick of people interfering and I now knew why Cara had acted the way that she did when I emailed Sam’s friend against her wishes, because it wasn’t my place to stick my nose in.
“Look, I’m going home, you can manage without me,” I said handing Dani the folder with all our notes in.
“Anna, I’m sorry,” Dani said taking the folder off me and stepping back,
“I know you mean well, I just wish everyone would let me ignore her, at least for a bit.”
“Okay, well I will see you later then,” Dani said before walking away. I turned on my heel and headed back towards the flat, trying to calm myself down.
I hadn’t meant to snap at Dani as I knew she was only trying to help but at the moment, any mention of my mother sent rage bubbling through me. I sat down on my bed and turned on my laptop, it booted up and instantly my skype began to ring again.
I pressed the reject button and after a second it rang again.
Six times I rejected the call and six times my mother rang me again.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT!” I shouted angrily after relenting and eventually answering the phone.
“Anna, thank you for answering, I know your feelings towards me but I needed to get in touch with you.”
“I have something I need to tell you….”