I couldn’t believe that Cara had been so stupid! I mean I know that I had done some stupid things in my time – like not eating but this beat the lot. Cara had blatantly refused help; she had denied Sam the knowledge that she could have helped her girlfriend. I just didn’t get it? Had Cara wanted to die? Had she wanted to have to wait for a stranger to give her theirs? It certainly seemed that way after all. She was practically bullied by her mum to take her kidney but what if she hadn’t been a match? She wouldn’t have let Ali give hers away, what if she had needed it in the future to give to her child? Sam had been her only other match and she had lied and hidden the letter away from Sam, even told her that she wasn’t a match just to apparently try to ‘protect us all.’ I just didn’t understand Cara anymore –
I was apparently her best friend and it was like she was a stranger to me.
“Are you okay?” Liam asked me as we left the hospital,
“No Liam, I’m not – I just don’t understand her anymore. I mean why would she refuse help when it was right in front of her? If I had been in her situation, I would have been grateful that all my friends were rallying around to try and help me.”
“I know Anna, so would I…”
“She said she was trying to protect people by refusing to let them donate but how was that helping her? She would have had to wait for a stranger and that could have taken months! It was only because her mum bullied her into it that….
“Anna! Breathe….. You are ranting. Trust me, I feel the same as you!” He pulled me into a tight hug of which I was grateful for.
As we pulled out of the hug I said,
“I think we should go and talk to Sam,”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea Anna? Should you get involved?”
“Liam, we are already all involved, we all got tested for her and still she made damn sure that no-one could help her!”
“Fair enough Anna. Text me and let me know how it goes,”
“You’re not going to come with me?”
“I would Anna but I said I would go and see Amanda once I had been to see Cara,”
“Can’t you text her and explain ….”
“I don’t think Amanda needs to know about everything that’s going on with Cara and Sam do you? She doesn’t know them and I don’t think she would take too kindly to her new boyfriend going to see another girl.”
“But Sam’s gay?”
“Yeah I know Anna but I just don’t think it would be fair for Amanda, but let me know how you get on.”
“Okay. Bye Liam”
I waited for a moment outside Sam’s flat, trying to think what to say but the truth was that there was no words for the situation. Cara had lied about something that big that I didn’t even know how to comprehend it.
I knocked on the door and after several moments Sam answered,
“Erm, Hi Sam….” I said taking in her attire, “I haven’t disturbed you from your work have I?” I asked, for Sam was wearing some smart pinstriped trousers and a white blouse.
“No Anna, you haven’t, I was just having a sandwich for my lunch, come on in,”
I followed Sam into the flat, along the corridor and into her living room where I half eaten plate of sandwiches had been left on the table.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you Sam,”
“Not at all Anna. What can I do for you?”
“I came round really to talk about Cara. Liam and I went to the hospital and I guessed why you two split. Cara confirmed it.” I paused for a second and when Sam nodded for me to continue I said, “I just can’t understand why she would refuse her friends help, why she would want to delay her recovery,”
“That’s what I don’t understand either Anna,” Sam said sadly,
“How did you find out that you were a match?” I asked tentatively,
“I found the letter screwed up in the paper bin in the living room,” she said pointing at it.
“That’s horrible,” I murmured sadly,
“I tried to ask her about it but she started to twist things round and then accused me of suffocating her when all I wanted to do was help the woman I love,” Sam said tears welling up in her eyes. I went over to where Sam was sitting and wrapped a comforting arm around her,
“This is not your fault Sam, none of it. Cara was the one who lied; she’s the one pushing her friends away by being so stubborn. All you and I did was try to help and she made things very hard,”
“I know Anna, I just miss her so much though!”
“I know that feeling all too well Sam. I miss my best friend too, the old Cara, the one who would tell me anything and everything. I am not too fond of the secretive lying Cara.”
“But what can we do other than tell her she is being stupid?” Sam asked,
“That’s the bit I am not sure of at the moment. But I am hoping that you two will have sorted your differences before I go to America!”
“Why before you go to America?” Sam asked,
“Partly because I don’t want to leave whilst there is friction but as well as that, Cara is wanting my flat whilst I am away and whilst she is my best friend and I trust her to look after my house, I would much rather you and her be back together rather than her living on her own.”
“Yeah, I would rather her back here than on her own too!” Sam agreed.