I could hear everything going on in the kitchen. Everything. It was nice to hear Anna sticking up for me, but to hear that everyone didn't understand... well I guess I couldn't be surprised. I didn't really understand either. All I knew was that I couldn't force someone to give me a kidney, especially someone pregnant. What if one day, Ali's child needed a kidney? What then?
I finished attaching myself to the machine and lay back in bed. I was so tired. So full. I hoped I wouldn't throw it up. It's so tiring to have to throw things up. So tiring.
"Cara?" Liam peered around the door. "You done?"
"Yeah. You done bitching?" I muttered.
Liam sighed and came in to the room.
"I'm sorry C. I just get so worried about you. You take on too much and I don't understand why you're so cool about it."
"I already knew."
"The doctor told me she was a match yesterday. I had time to prepare."
"But you couldn't have known she'd say no."
"Liam I can't see myself accepting any of your kidneys... what if you need them, for kids and things? I can't do that..."
"Cara will you cut the crap?" He sighed, sitting next to me on the bed. "You're ill, seriously ill. And I know I've been joking about the band needing you and everything but honestly, we could do without you as a singer. There are hundreds of talented people."
"But without you as a friend? I don't know how we'd cope. You're always there for us, and now it's our turn. So let us help you damn it." He finished.
"Who's the soppy one now?" I murmured after a few moments of stunned silence. He chuckled and sucked in a sob.
"You're an idiot."
"You're so thin C. And pale..."
"Hey, my stomach hasn't gotten used to everything yet. It will do and until then I just have to try and keep down the meal."
"Yeah you'd better. I've not eaten that well in ages. Sam's a great cook."
"She's alright." I smiled, picking at the bed sheet.
"Cara about Sam... I mean you guys seemed great this evening and everything but recently.... I mean, is everything okay?"
"What? Of course." I lied.
"You're a shit liar."
"I know." I sighed. "We've been arguing. I just... this whole thing has made me so cranky and I really didn't want her to put her life on the line for me. She's already done so much for me."
"Still on the whole 'couldn't get rid of them' thing huh?"
"No." I chuckled. "But I don't want her getting hurt. I don't want to hurt her more than I have. More than she's already been hurt."
"Stuff... I'd rather not say. Not to do with me... although I have been a bitch recently. I'm surprised she's putting up with me."
"Of course she's putting up with you moron."
"Because she's head over heels, heart on the line, heart on her sleeve in love with you."
I blushed and buried my head in my pillow.
"How do you know?"
"Cara, you're blind. I know you know she loves you."
"Cara, the way she looks at you, you'd think you were Jesus and she was a Christian in need of help." I stared at him and then chuckled. "Alright alright, that wasn't the best metaphor, but still. She loves you. You'd have to fuck up pretty bad to destroy that."
I felt the smile droop from my face. How badly? Would anything I'd already done help?"
"What if I'm part way there?"
"You've not done anything stupid have you?"
"I've been such a bitch-"
"-Cara?" Anna peeked her head round and saw Liam. She frowned, and then came in. "You okay?"
"Yeah just tired."
"Understandable." She came over. "Do you want us to go or-?"
"No, stay. You can sit in the living room if you want, or come play games in here? As long as I get to lie here."
Anna smiled and nodded.
"Okay, I'll go and get the others."
"And no more talk about kidneys." I called after her.
"So what would Sam say if she found me and you in your bed?" Liam asked, grinning.
"Probably make an incest joke."
"You're like a brother to me." I said. Liam blushed and ducked his head. "Awww wook at him all embarrassed!" I said in the voice parents use for babies.
"Shut up." He grinned. "You're like a sister to me too." He reached down and kissed my forehead. "Tell anyone I blushed and you will regret it."
"What you going to do? Turn off my machine?" I wiggled my eyebrows.
"Behave." He reprimanded me as the others appeared in my room.
"So what games are we playing?" Megan asked.
"Don't know." I murmured. "It's up to you guys, I'm going to doze."