I knew when Anna stuck up for Ali that something serious must be going on. Not that her sticking up for Ali was odd but there was something in the way she said it. Sam’s thumb stopped stroking the back of mine when Anna made her speech and I glanced at her to see that she was pursing her lips in thought. She obviously had reached the same idea I had.
“Well, whatever the reason I’m fine.”
“But you’re not.” Sam murmured quietly. Only I heard her; everyone else was edging towards the door, except Anna who was trying to stop them and distract them.
“Sam… don’t start.”
“Cara I just want you to be healthy again. You heard the others, you’ve lost so much weight, you’re struggling with mood swings-“
“-Do not ruin this evening for me Sam. I swear to god.” I hissed at her. Her eyebrows knitted together in her upset frown.
“I don’t want to do that I just want you to be-“
“I know what you want, but wanting it doesn’t make it happen so please stop.”
“Hey, everything alright?” Liam called across to us and everyone stopped what they were doing to look over.
“Everything is fine. I just need to go get something from the bedroom. Sam’s going to help.” I called.
“Kinky!” Megan called and everyone chuckled. I stood up slowly; I’d eaten more than I’d been capable of today and I felt like I was going to throw up. Sam went to help but I moved away from her and instead she just followed me down the corridor to the bedroom. Once inside I locked the door.
“Sam, baby, I don’t want to argue but all of this… whatever gets on my nerves. Can we just not talk about it?”
“Cara it’s happening. Not talking about it is not going to make it go away.” She implored.
“Sam we don’t need to talk about it all the time! I don’t want this to be my life until I get a kidney. I want to enjoy it in case…”
I trailed off and saw that Sam knew what I meant. She ran her hand through her hair and sighed.
“Cara, do you… I mean… is everything okay? Not… not with the kidneys I mean with us? Because I love you, you know that. But I feel like all we do at the moment is argue.”
“Are you seriously asking me if I still love you?” I stared at her aghast.
“Do you?” Her eyes widened innocently and I just gaped.
“I can’t believe you… How can you even…?” I felt my breathing pick up and Sam immediately moved to me.
“I’m sorry, it was stupid to ask… It’s just been so strained and stressful…” She hugged me to her. “I love you.”
“Even though we don’t have sex, I’m a bitch and I don’t cook for you anymore.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“I can live without sex and my food being cooked for me. And I know you’re just stressed and upset. It’s just… I feel so bad for saying it’s hard on me but it is…having to watch you go through this and not be able to do a thing to stop it…” My mind sent me an image I did not want to have and I pushed it away.
“Sam, stop… I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be like this. And I know it’s stressful for you too but-“
There was a knock on the door.
“Hey you two, Ali wants us.” It was Liam’s voice. Sam backed away from me slightly and shrugged in a ‘we can continue this later if you want’ way. I opened the door. Liam gave me a look.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He replied in a way that meant he’d heard part of the argument and wasn’t happy. “Come on.”
We followed him in to the kitchen and living room area.
Ali was sitting in an armchair, curled up as tightly as possible. Jak was standing by the window looking ashen. Callum was handing him a glass of water.
“What’s going on?” I asked. Callum shrugged.
“Alright, what’s going on?” Liam asked them both.
Ali glanced at Jak who stared blankly at her before opening his mouth and mouthing silent words.
“What?” Sam asked.
“I’m pregnant.” Ali said.
“You’re-“ Liam began.
“Woah.” Callum said.
“I’m going to wait until I know if congratulations are in order?” Sam questioned.
“I don’t know.” Ali said, glancing at Jak again.
“Ali.” Sam went over to her and crouched in front of her. “It’s a beautiful thing… to have a child. But you have to be prepared to take on the responsibility. We all know Jak has money and he can afford it, but you both have to be willing to take it on, if you keep it. Your life will change and it will be filled with so much love… but there are other things you’d have to sacrifice. Maybe you should both go and talk it through, on your own?”
Ali nodded. I realised the corner of my lip was turned up in to a smile. No matter the argument, the things she says still make me smile, I thought as I looked at Sam. She talks about kids as such a beautiful thing, even though she didn’t like her childhood… there’s something to be said in the goodness of people who don’t let that ruin their lives. And yet again an image of Sam and I with a baby popped in to my head. Such a scary and strangely warming thought.
“What’s going on?” I asked, coming back to the present to find Sam getting her car keys.
“I’m just going to drive these two home so they can have a talk. Liam and Callum can crash here if they’re tired before the conversation has finished.” She leaned over and kissed me on the head. “Behave yourself.”
“Oh like Cara ever behaves.” Liam joked, sitting next to me and throwing his arm around my shoulders.
“Make sure she does Liam.” Sam smiled before following Jak and Ali out of the door.