I followed Ali outside holding the two bowls of chocolate cake in my hands and elbowing open the door. Ali was sitting on top of the fire escape with her head in her hands and she was sobbing quietly, I set down the bowls and climbed up to sit next to her, wrapping an arm around her which she did not push off.
“Aren’t you pissed at me too?” she asked, “I mean, Cara is your best friend….”
“No Ali, I am not pissed at you, I am worried about you. What’s the matter?” I asked her as she lifted her head out of her hands and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her jumper.
“I hate myself for not being able to donate to Cara, and I feel like a total bitch for getting tested and then saying that I can’t donate,” she sobbed, tears making steady tracks down her face. “It’s not because I don’t want to, but it’s because I’m …..” she broke down in a fresh wave of tears and I pulled her closer towards me as she cried, her whole body trembling.
“You’re what Ali?” I asked, “Hey, come on it can’t be that bad!” I said rubbing her back and trying to get her to calm down.
“It is bad. Anna, I’m pregnant.”
I stilled, not sure whether I had heard her correctly or not, “You’re pregnant?” I repeated and Ali nodded before breaking down again.
“But isn’t that a good thing? You’ll make a great mu….”
“No, I’m not ready and my mum will kill me. No worse, she will kill me, resurrect me and kill me again for being stupid enough to get pregnant.”
“But surely you used protection?”
“Yeah we did, but even they aren’t one hundred percent are they?”
“Does Jak know?”
“No, I haven’t told him yet, I don’t even know if I want to tell him. What if he wants to keep the baby? What if I just have an ab….”
“Ali,” I cut across her, “….you need to tell him, he has a right to know.” I said and Ali looked terrified at the thought. “Don’t worry Ali, we will work it out…. Come on cheer up, there are worse situations. Have some chocolate cake!” I said leaning forward, grabbing the bowls and handing her a bowl of chocolate cake. “Chocolate always makes things better!”
Ali and I sat in silence as we ate our way through the bowl of chocolate cake, listening to the sound of everyone talking inside and the sound of an owl hooting nearby. It was after a good ten minutes of silence that Ali decided to speak.
“Cara will hate me wont she?” she said miserably, “I mean, it will be because of me that she will have to stay on dialysis.”
“Of course she won’t, Cara is a very forgiving person. She will understand your reasons but you still need to tell them, but most of all you need to tell Jak.”
“If I am honest, I would rather just tell them all together as then they might understand why I can’t donate my kidney.”
“How about for now you just tell Jak and work out what you are going to do with the baby.”
“I’m not ready to be a mum. What if he wants me to keep it … I’d be breaking his heart if I got rid of it.”
“One step at a time Ali,” I said giving her a one armed hug, “I am here to support you Ali but only you know what is best for you.”
“I know,” Ali replied, a tear trickling down her cheek, “Can you get him to come out here please, I can’t face going back in and facing everyone just yet,”
“Sure Ali,” I said collecting the empty desert bowls and heading back inside and back into the kitchen where everyone but Cara had finished their chocolate cake and was having a mug of tea.
“Is Ali okay?” Cara asked as I entered the kitchen,
“Yeah, she is okay now but Jak…” I turned to face Jak, “she wants to talk to you outside please.”
Jak looked as though he wanted to retort but instead he got up from the table and headed outside, closing the door behind him.
“Ominous?” Liam said curiously, “What’s the gossip?” he asked.
“It’s not my gossip to tell Liam,” I said to Liam and then addressed everyone, ”Also can you all not give Ali a hard time over not donating please? She has her reasons.”