I looped my arm through Megan as we walked back to my flat, the cool night air made the hairs on my arm stand on end and made me shiver slightly. I had enjoyed the film but not as much as I thought I would, it had been too mushy. The sight of Sam trailing patterns on Cara’s skin had been more interesting, as a strange feeling had come across me. It wasn’t jealousy as such – that had subsided months ago, it wasn’t anger or rejection, it was more an itch, an ache that wouldn’t go away, almost like a friend you knew as a child and who you lost contact with, the ache you feel when you are wishing you could go back in time and fix whatever went wrong in the past or make sure you never lose contact with that person. It was hard to explain the emotions that filled me up when I saw Sam’s hand on Cara’s leg. It was almost as if Cara was that half forgotten friend from long ago, a friend who I was getting to know again and to an extent I was getting to know her again.
Both Cara and I changed when we started university; we had both grown up and developed as people. After my crush with Cara and the consequences that followed, I did have to get to know Cara again; I had to find out what we had in common again, and what made each other tick. In short, I had to learn how to be her best friend again. It was strange but necessary as we have ended up growing closer as a result.
“Are you okay? You have been dead quiet recently,” Megan said nudging me.
“Yeah,” I said as we reached the street near my flat and rain began to fall down. I pulled my hood up over my head to stop my hair getting wet and lapsed into silence.
“You sure, you have been quiet ever since we left the cinema?” she questioned, a concerned edge to my voice.
“I just said I’m fine didn’t I?” I snapped but immediately wished I hadn’t, Megan unlooped her arm from mine and crossed them across her chest. “Sorry.” I muttered.
“You need to start opening up some more Anna, you are so closed off about everything and Cara or me gets the brunt of your temper when you snap,” Megan said quickly as though she might not have said what was on her mind if she had not said it quickly enough.
“I’m sorry.” I mumbled again.
“But are you?” Megan said, she had stopped walking and was glaring at me.
“Megan….” I whined, “Can we not fight, it’s been a nice day and you’ll spoil it if we argue now.
“And you will spoil it if you don’t talk to me about what’s on your mind. I mean, we are moving to America soon and will be living together and I want us to be able to talk to one another about our problems.”
“I’m fine,” I persisted, attempting to tug Megan towards the flat as it was now raining hard and I wanted to get inside so I could warm up, but Megan, being stubborn dug her heals in and refused to move.
“Talk to me.”
“I am fine!” I said again, taken aback by Megan’s over reaction to the fact that I was quiet on the way home.
“Liar,” Megan said glaring at me.
“FINE!” I shouted, “If you must know, I was looking back on how Cara and I have changed as people and how we have had to get to know each other again. Sam was tracing patterns on Cara’s skin and it just made me think about things.”
“I told you that it was nothing, why did you have to persist?” I said slightly annoyed.
“Because we need to be able to trust each other, I need to be able to trust you and you me.”
“I do trust you!” I shouted angrily, “You mean everything to me, of course I trust you, you mad cow!”
“But you don’t trust me enough to tell me when something is bothering you? We are going to be living together soon and I can’t do that if there is still a chance that you are going to be keeping things from me, or even worse, if you still have feelings for Cara.”
“You know I don’t have feelings for Cara!” I shouted, “How could you even think that!?” I said, tears welling in my eyes, “You are majorly over reacting, all because I wasn’t overly chatty on the way home.” I said, now wiping tears from my eyes. My hood had slipped off my head whilst we had been arguing and I was now drenched from rain but at this point in time, I didn’t care.
“I am not over reacting! I just need to know that we are on the same page!”
“What are you going on about? You mad woman, I love you with every part of my body, I would do anything and I mean anything for you, I would die for you and you are worried that I don’t trust you?”
“Well, it looks like you don’t trust me, you never open up to me and you do for Cara.”
“She’s my best friend!”
“And I’m your girlfriend. Does that not mean anything to you?!”
“Of course it does. I just didn’t think that me over thinking things and being a bit quiet on the way home was a big deal.”
“I am here to help take the load off Anna, Cara may be your best friend but I am your girlfriend and if something is bothering you, don’t you think I should be your first port of call and not Cara? I mean, Cara’s first port of call is Sam.”
“You are!” I said, irritated, “But this wasn’t something I felt in needed to share,”
“You bottle your emotions up too much, you don’t open up to me and it hurts to think that you open up to Cara and not to me…”
“You are blowing this all out of proportion Megan, it wasn’t anything really.
“You just don’t get it…” Megan sighed, “I need to know that you can trust me and at the moment I just don’t feel that and I don’t think I can go to America with someone who I don’t think trusts me. I am going home.”
Before I could say another word, Megan had turned on her heels and walked away,
“I DO TRUST YOU!” I bellowed after her, tears flooding my eyes and anger surging through my body, “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? NOT TELL CARA ANYTHING? YOU ARE BEING IRRATIONAL!”
I then stomped towards my flat and let myself in, grabbing my phone out my pocket and texting Megan furiously, repeating what I had just said and saying over and over again that I do trust her. After getting no reply from Megan, I texted Cara, tears flooding my eyes again, asking her if she would come over and help me work out what to do, even though I knew in the back of my mind that running to Cara with this problem would partially prove Megan right.