I woke up very early the next morning, it was half past four but I was wide awake. I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Megan who was still fast asleep and walked slowly into the kitchen. I grabbed a mug from the pile of washing up that needed to be done left over from the previous night – we had eventually got round to eating the sweet and sour chicken and mushrooms but it was very late. I washed out the mug and made myself a mug of tea, I was wide awake for some reason and it was very annoying as I knew that I wouldn’t get back to sleep now that I was awake.
Once I had made my mug of tea I wandered over to my desk and turned on my laptop, a sudden idea coming to me. It occurred to me that I would never be able to tell Cara everything I feel before I leave, some of the reasons that I feel that I should go so what better way then to write her a letter for her to open when I leave. I knew that Cara wasn’t that happy that I was leaving, I knew her so well that I knew when she is putting on a front, and when I had told her I could tell that it had upset her which was something I had been afraid of.
Although Cara and I were finally getting things back on track now, before I left I wanted Cara and I to be on the same page, on a even footing , so that everything was out in the open and that there was no secrets between us. My laptop booted up and I turned on Microsoft Word and began to write.
The sentences seemed to flow from my fingers to the keyboard, the words coming to me easily.
Where to begin, You mean the world to me, you have been my best friend forever and we have been through thick and thin and I don’t think we will ever be apart from each other as long as we will be now. If I recall correctly the longest time we have been apart before this was when we fell out because we couldn’t agree on who was best suited to Bradley, the new boy in our year when we were in year eight. We argued and fell out because we both fancied him and didn’t talk to each other for about a week and it wasn’t until our friend at the time, Sarah, banged our heads together and told us that we were being pathetic that we made up. Remember? On a side note, turns out that Bradley was as camp as a row of tents and had a boyfriend anyway.
Even though Megan is coming with me, I want you to know that I will miss you very much, you’re my best friend and I love you.
I love you as a best friend though, nothing more, nothing less, and I apologise for all the heartache and drama I have caused you this past year. I now realise how selfish I was being by making you choose between me and Sam, it was cruel and unfair and know that if the shoe had been on the other foot, you would never have made me choose between you or Megan.
Part of the reason that I have decided to take this trip away is not for academic reasons at all, but for a purely selfish reason which I hope you understand. Our friendship has slowly been repairing from the last year of constant drama, yet it can never repair fully, as there is always something that is bound to happen. This year away will give us both some distance, to relocate that connection that drew us together as best friends in the first place. I feel as though it will help us heal.
Moreover I feel that it will help me grow as an individual, become more independent and help me to become a better person. At the moment, I am too dependant on other people to help me though difficult times. Too reliant on you to be at my beck and call and I realise that you can’t be as you have a life too.
Over the past year, Sam has helped you to grow as a person, to become a better more independent person. I haven’t had that yet; I have gone from one disaster to another without stepping back and trying to work out what I was doing wrong, without working out how I could prevent the same thing happening again. With Megan, I feel that I have found my Sam; she is helping me, helping me to grow and become a better person, which is why I feel the need for her to come with me. If nothing else, she is my piece of home, my reminder that there are people back home that care for me and love me even though I am miles away from home.
I need to go away so I can come back so to speak and I hope you can understand that. You’re my best friend and I love you because of that.
Sam better cherish you and love you the way I never could.
I stopped writing and began to read, tears pricking my eyes as I read over what I had written. It explained everything better than speech. I saved a copy on my laptop, plugged my printer in and printed off the letter. Once it had printed, I folded it carefully into a spare envelope that I had grabbed from a Christmas card box which contained spare cards and envelopes in from last year. I then wrote on the back of the envelope.
Cara – Do Not Open Until I Leave.
I then placed the envelope into my handbag so that I could give it to Cara next time I saw her, drained the dregs of my tea, locked my laptop and clambered back into bed. It was now quarter to six in the morning, the sun was beginning to creep through the crack in the curtains and now that I had gotten all my bottled up emotions off my chest I was able to snuggle up to the still sleeping Megan and drop back off to sleep.