“Home?” Sam asked as we emerged from the club. It had begun to rain and the temperature had dropped sufficiently to make me shiver.
She hurried me to the car under her coat and I buckled myself in while she ran round to the driver’s side. I was so nervous that I began to twist my fingers together before she had even shut the door.
“You did well.” She said as she buckled herself in. “I especially enjoyed the second song; was it planned?” I shook my head, feeling shy all of a sudden. She reached across and took one of my hands in hers, stopping the nervous twisting. “I missed you too.”
Then why did I feel like the smiles were politeness, and not real? I nodded and looked out of the window until she removed her hand from mine and started the car. We drove back in silence, and I think neither of us knew what to say, or were at least attempting to form the words.
“Cup of tea?” Sam asked as we got back.
“Please.” She hung up her coat and went to the kitchen, leaving me in the hallway. I looked down at her suitcase and bag, then picked them up and took them in to the bedroom. There was an overwhelming silence going on, and it was making me feel sick. I put the case and bag on our bed and began to unpack the suitcase. A wrapped square lay on top of everything and I assumed this was the painting Sam wanted to put in the flat. I put it carefully on the chair and returned to the case. Most of the clothes needed a wash so I piled them up along with the t-shirt Sam had taken to remind her of me. I heard her come in behind me but didn’t look around, pretending to be absorbed in my task. I heard her set down the tea on the bedside table and then she sat on the bed next to me. I didn’t look up.
“Cara, you don’t have to do that.” She said and I looked up. She was watching me carefully, the quilt bunched under her fists.
“I wouldn’t be a good housewife if I didn’t would I?” I replied. She smiled and chuckled lightly but then her face dropped in to seriousness. “Come sit here.” She moved the suitcase and patted the bed next to her. I bit my lip and felt tears spring to my eyes. I felt like she was going to break up with me; the awkward silence having shattered my nerves. So instead of sitting next to her, I stood in front of her and ran my hands through her hair. “Cara, come on…” She half protested, capturing my hands in hers. I clambered on to her, trying to kiss her.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too but we need to talk.” She replied, pinning my hands behind my back to stop me from touching her.
She sighed and released my hands. I ran them through her hair again and leant down, kissing her gently. She moaned gently in to my mouth and I felt her hands slide across my back as she pulled me slightly closer.
“God I’ve missed you.” She groaned against the skin of my neck.
“Then don’t leave me.” I begged.
“What?!” She cried startled, pushing me away slightly so she could look up at me. “You think I’m going to break up with you?”
“Yes? No? I don’t know.” I replied, standing.
“Don’t be silly. I’m not breaking up with you.” She said, and then sighed, pressing her head against my stomach. “Is that what you’ve been thinking all this time?”
“I was so thoughtless and stupid; I thought you were really upset.”
“I wasn’t upset with you.”
“Sam I heard you crying and kicking things that night. You didn’t hang up properly.” She looked up from my stomach and pursed her lips thoughtfully.
“Yes, I was upset. I’m not happy that Lexi told you, I’m not happy that all of that happened, but I know you didn’t mean to upset me. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I really didn’t. I had completely forgotten about it. And I felt like such a shit…”
“You could never be that. It just took me by surprise. And yes, I can’t promise I’ll ever be comfortable with being filmed, or having photos taken, but I’ve come a long way and I don’t mind being in photos with you because it reminds me of all these happy moments we’ve had. And will have, I hope.” Here I winced because I remembered that there might not be those happy moments if nothing could be done about my kidneys. She didn’t seem to notice though. “I want you to know, that I will never want to send any photos or videos of me, like that, but it’s not because I don’t trust you. It’s just that…” She frowned and bit her lip, trying to express how she felt. “I just can’t do it…”
“I don’t want you to. I don’t expect you to.”
“You’ll just have to come with me next time.”
“Please.” I smiled. “I missed you far too much.”
“But you had a good time with everyone?”
“Yeah… but it wasn’t the same.” I clambered back on to her and she grinned, folding her fingers in mine.
“Yes. The t-shirt really didn’t make up for it.”
“I know how you feel.”
“What are you going to do about it?” I challenged, unbuttoning my waistcoat and throwing it to the side. She chuckled.
“Your appetite is as insatiable as ever baby.” She grinned, hands trailing up to my breasts.
“Only for you boss.” I giggled before kissing her again.