How did they do it? How did they keep dancing? My feet were killing me and I had been forced to sit down. I had pulled off my shoes so that I could massage my feet whilst I was sitting down watching the others dancing nearby. Lady Lush was dancing with Liam who seemed to have loosened up a tad and had also had a couple more drinks in his system, Callum was dancing with the girl Lily who I was told was on his course and had fancied him for quite some time now. Cara was dancing in between everyone else, with a big grin on her face. She was having fun.
Fun. Even the word sounded as though for me it was forbidden, it was as though my mind refused to push the important stuff to the back of my mind, refused to let me forget for just one night, it was working overdrive and it was keeping me from having fun.
Cara bounded over and flopped into a chair next to me,
“Your feet hurting too?” I asked as she proceeded to pull off her shoes and rub her feet too.
“Killing me” she said, “Why did I wear heels?” she whined, wiggling her feet in a circle to try and stop them from aching.
“Don’t know same reason I did…” I muttered distracted, I was watching Lady Lush wrap her arms around Liam from behind and Liam laugh, too drunk to care.
“Are you okay, you have been distracted all evening…..” Cara asked with a concerned look on her face.
“Fine,” I lied, concentrating on twirling my feet round and round to keep them from aching. Part of me wanted to tell them but I knew that I just couldn’t, I decided to just keep it bottled up instead.
“Look I’m getting tired so I am going to head off back, I will grab a taxi, tell Megan….” I said deciding on the spot and heading for the door before Cara could stop me. I weaved through drunken people getting more and more frustrated that the club was so overcrowded that you could hardly move, I finally made to the door and escaped the throng of people. I waved down a taxi and told him to take me back to my flat, which to be fair wasn’t that far away but I didn’t feel comfortable walking home alone in the dark, not after hearing what happened to Cara all those months ago.
I handed the taxi driver three pound seventy five and got out the taxi and headed inside locking the door behind me and heading upstairs. My mind was buzzing and I could concentrate. This needed sorting.
I grabbed a notebook from my desk and divided one of the sheets into two, pros and cons. The list seemed to help me sort my thoughts out. The thoughts seemed to flow from my brain and down my arm to the pen until I could think no more and I seemed to be left with my answer. Even though the cons were holding me back and the pros were pulling me forward the answer seemed to be clear in my head. I seemed to feel some sort of relief wash over me, I was still stressed but at least I knew in which direction I wanted to go now. I put my notepad back in the desk draw, grabbed my laptop and carried it to my bed. I was no longer tired, I just needed to sort myself out, sort out what I was doing with my life.
“Anna, are you okay?” Megan asked, she had rung me about an hour after I had left the club and she was obviously worried about me.
“Yeah I’m fine babe, trust me,” I said, “Listen, can you come round please…..”
“Yeah, why?” she asked.
“I’ll tell you when you get here,” I said.
“Has this got something to do with why you have been distant?
“Yes now can you just come….” I said before putting the phone down before she could argue.
“I came as quick as I could…..” Megan said, panting, it was obvious that she had run all the way.
“Come in…..” I said with a sigh, opening the door wide and letting her enter.
“Anna, you are worrying me, what is this about? What’s got into you?”
I sat down on sofa next to her and put my head in my hands.
“A couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail, offering me the chance to study abroad for a year and its been a hard decision, I’ve been conflicted over whether or not I should go which is why I have been distant.
“And….” Megan asked, “Have you decided now?”
“Yeah, I made a list of pros and cons and have come to a decision.”
“Oh god…. Are you dumping me?” Megan asked, tears welling in her eyes.
“No Babe!” I said pulling her in for a kiss, “I love you, you silly beggar, I adore you.”
“So you’re not going?” she asked with a sniff.
I stilled for a moment, choosing my words carefully.
I shook my head, swallowed and opened my mouth to speak, “No, I am going to go, I just need to for me, but I don’t want to break up with you, I want you to come with me? I mean if you want to?”
“Where abroad would we be?”
“Of course, I will come with you; I’m not letting you go!” Megan said and I pulled her into a tight hug, tears filling my eyes all the same.
“I just feel a break away will be just what is needed, It’s a great opportunity, it will allow me to grow as a person.”
“It is a wonderful opportunity Anna, and I am privileged to accompany you babe!” Megan said, she was crying to now.
“Just one thing, don’t tell Cara …. I want to be the person to tell her and pick my moment. It will be a hard thing to do as she is my best friend and I just know I need to tackle is gently.”