I went to bed feeling confused about what I wanted to do, whether to stay or whether to go. I was comfortable in my life and knew that if I went then it would be disrupted but on the other hand…. Those kinds of opportunities didn’t come around very often. I fell asleep after battling to stay awake so that I could mull things over, I couldn’t decided and figured that the decision to stay or go was not going to come to me in a cloud of reason and understanding, but would come to me gradually.
By the next morning however I felt even more confused, everything I seemed to do brought up another obstacle to overcome in my decision, another barrier to face. Megan had rang me and text me asking me whether or not I wanted to meet her parents and as much as I wanted to say yes, something was holding me back, telling me that if I did meet them and then decide to go then would it be fair for me to meet them and get their hopes up about their daughters relationship.
I text Megan back telling her that I was tired and was going to have a lazy morning before bringing a mug of steaming hot tea and my laptop back to my bed. I just wanted the answer to float out and meet me, to tell me what I needed to do but I knew that it wouldn’t be that straight forward. I wanted to go but at the same time I didn’t and that’s what made it so difficult.
In an effort to distract myself I got dressed and then rang Cara, asking her if i could meet up. I knew she had said she was going to leave 'us two lovebirds alone' but since Megan was meeting her parents I wanted company from my best friend.
“Yeah, you can do if you want, i wasn't going to hand out my CVs today though but you can come dancing with me” Cara said down the phone, there was the sound of water running into a container from the other end of the line and I guessed that Cara was making herself a mug of tea.
“Yeah, I’ll be over shortly.” I said putting down my mobile, grabbing my bag and keys and heading out the door. I didn’t really take much note of my surroundings as I walked towards Cara’s flat; I was too busy concentrating on my internal thoughts that I crashed headlong into a man walking in the other direction.
“I’m so sorry sir!” I said shocked as the man stumbled, his bag of shopping falling to the floor and the sound of eggs smashing reaching my ears.
“My shopping!” he groaned going to kneel down to pick it up.
“No let me, it was my fault.” I said getting quickly down on my hands and knees and grabbing the pieces of shopping that weren’t covered in smashed eggs. Once I had safely packed most of the shopping back into the bag I stood up and handed the bag to the man who looked at me through wide rimmed spectacles.
“I’m really sorry sir, let me give you some money for the eggs and the shopping which was ruined by the eggs,” I said fishing around in my handbag and pulling out my purse.
“There is really no need lovey, it was an accident” the man protested but I waved his protests away and handed him a crisp five pound note which I had been saving to buy myself some lunch with later.
“Are you sure lovey?” he asked but before he could protest anymore I had nodded and headed along the street towards Cara’s.
“I’m here!” I called from the door when I got to Cara’s.
“Come in, I am just getting ready“ Cara called and I headed down the hall and into the sitting room where Cara was sitting on her bed, holding a makeup mirror in one hand and applying mascara with the other.
“Christ, how long is your CV Cara?” I said surprised spotting a copy of her CV on her table.
“Well, I want to give a good impression,” she said with a grin, “I reckon they will get a real insight into what I am like and whether or not they think I am a suitable candidate,” Cara said in a rather enthusiastic tone.
“You’re giving them your autobiography,” I said glancing at the front page which Cara seemed to have given a blow by blow account of her childhood, including every school she ever went to, every achievement in school she ever obtained including one which she had got for going to school every day for a full year in primary school.
“Don’t be silly Anna! I have had this CV checked by a lecturer at the university who said that it was exactly how they should be done!” Cara said nodding her head.
“Makes my CV look very empty then,” I said laughing.
“Yeah it does,” Cara said seriously, “but then again you have a job!”
Both Cara and I seemed to be in a world of our own and didn't really speak much as we walked which drew my mind back to my worries and after a moment a question popped into my head.
“Cara?” I began.
“What would you have done if we had gone to different universities?” I asked trying to sound offhand.
“I dunno, we didn’t so I haven’t really thought about it…. I would miss you a lot but I would have had to get used to it I suppose. Why?”
“No reason….” I said, “Just wondering is all.” I said smiling at her.
We lapsed into silence again and it hit me just how big a decision I would soon have to make. Friends who loved and cared for me or a successful future. The problem was I wanted both!
When we were about two streets away from the dance studio Cara piped up saying that she had forgotten to pick up the key from Amy and she knew that Amy would be busy now so she would just head back.
"Want company?" I asked as we turned around and headed back in the direction of Cara's.
"Nah its fine. Why don't you meet up with Megan?" she suggested.
"Might do..." i said mulling the suggestion over. "Yeah I might do, she said she was meeting up with her parents but she said that she wanted me to meet them."
"Well then! What are you waiting for?"
I texted Megan saying that if she still wanted me to, I could meet her parents I could do, and saying that I had woken up slightly now to cover my previous excuse of being too tired. She replied almost instantly, telling me that her parents and her were at her flat and of course she wanted me to meet them. Megan’s parents had always known that Megan was gay but had apparently never met any of her ex girlfriends so in that respect I felt slightly nervous.
As I walked towards Megan's flat I pulled out my phone and decided that i would text Cara. It sprung to mind at that moment that Cara had been ambushed by Sam's mum so didn't have chance to be nervous but seemed to get on with Sam's mother all the same. I on the other hand was going to meet them face to face knowing that it was Megan's parents and this made me even more nervous. I texted her asking her for tips on how to talk to her parents.
Just be yourself
Useful information, I thought as i read this text.
But what if they dont like me? I texted back.
They will if you just be yourself
"Easier said than done" I muttered, slipping my phone into my pocket.
I knocked gently on the door as I arrived and as I waited for someone to answer I tried to sort my hair out which had blown hither and thither in the wind. The bounding silhouette of Megan approached the door and opened it.
“Hey” she chirped happily, holding my hand and tugging me into her flat. Her parents were sitting in the living room with mugs of steaming hot tea clasped in their hands; they smiled warmly as I was pulled into the room by Megan.
“Mum, Dad, this is Anna,” Megan introduced.
“Hi…” I said, suddenly feeling a knot of nervousness fill my stomach. What if they didn’t like me or approve?
“I’ll go make you a cuppa Anna!” Megan said trotting off into the kitchen.
I perched on the arm of a nearby chair and looked over at the two strangers in the room and after a moment or two they introduced themselves.
“Hello Anna, its very nice to meet you. My name is Maria and this is my husband Christian.”
“Hi….” I said again not knowing what to say.
“Megan has told us all about you dear,” Maria said smiling.
“Has she?” I asked, “All good things I hope.”
“She speaks very highly of you Anna," Megan's dad says
“In what way?" I asked.
"She just says that you are a very outgoing, kind girl." he said just as Megan came back into the room carrying a mug of tea which she handed to me.
"Thanks," I said taking a slurp, glad of something to do and was just as glad when Megan started up a conversation with her parents to cover up the silence.