I curled up on my bed and cried in to my pillow. It had hit me now, everything, and the fact that I knew I had to keep it a secret. That was the hardest thing because I could tell them, but I’d be awful to do it when it would wreck so much. I would just get the tests done every couple of weeks like they’d told me, and then, when it came to it, I would tell them. But I couldn’t now. I couldn’t.
My phone rang and I saw Sam’s smiling face on the screen. She’d know something was wrong if I answered like this… I let it ring out and went to have a bath. It would be comforting to have the warm water around me.
When it was run I slipped in and felt the stinging heat that soon blurred to comforting warmth which made me sigh. I washed my face and then sat back to relax. My phone buzzed again, cutting off my music, and I saw Sam’s face again. Feeling like I could answer properly now I dried my hands quickly and answered.
“Hey baby.” I whispered.
“Hey. How’re you doing?”
“Ok.” I replied carefully. “How are you?”
“Lonely,” She replied, “And thinking about you.”
“Oh yes?” I smiled.
“Yes. And unfortunately, I’m in my hotel room wishing I’d smuggled you down here and locked you in my room like my boss does with her girl.”
“Really?” My lips perked up and I was as embarrassed as a school girl in love.
“And what would that entail?”
“All sorts of things.” Her voice had gone all husky and I squirmed with excitement.
“Baby, if I tell you that I’m going to have to take another shower.”
“Well I’m in the bath right now…. All naked and-“
“-You’d better stop right there you little tease…” I could feel her grinning at the end of the phone and suddenly felt all my loneliness wash over me.
“Or what?” I tested.
“Close your eyes.” She muttered.
I closed them.
“I’m with you. I’m in the bath with you.” I shifted, smiling.
“Could have sworn I was alone.”
“Oh no. I’m there. And I’m sitting behind you. You’re leaning on me, and I’m massaging your shoulders.” I smiled in the darkness my closed eyes afforded me. “Does that feel nice?”
“Ok. Now I’m nibbling on your ear, and my hands are sliding over your shoulders, to your breasts…”
“Sam…” I groaned, moving a little.
“That’s right baby, I’m here. You feel so good.” I bit my lip and smiled, feeling hot all of a sudden. “Why don’t you take over? Put your phone on speaker.”
I opened my eyes and did so, putting it beside me. Then I began doing what Sam described. I could hear her breathing picking up and realised she was doing the same as I was, and it made everything so much more real. Her voice was hot, hoarse…
I lay there, almost fuzzy, an embarrassed smile on my face.
“God I’ve missed that sound.” Sam groaned on the other end of the phone. “I can’t wait to come back home.”
“Mmmmmm…” I smiled contentedly.
“Baby? You happy?”
“That good huh?”
I forced myself up and leaned on the side of the bath looking down at her photo on my phone.
“I wish I could have half this effect on you.”
“Trust me Cara, you do.”
“Cara, I’m lying on my bed completely exhausted with a stupidly happy grin on my face. And you didn’t even touch me. You’re the only person who has ever made me feel like… I don’t even know.” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, trying to picture her. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to picture you.”
“Oh yeah?” I could hear the grin on her voice and it made me smile automatically, despite everything. “I could help you, if you’d like.”
“I could describe myself to you.”
I bit my lip and felt my cheeks flush.
“How about you send me a photo?” I giggled nervously. The other end went silent. “Baby?”
“I’m here.” She replied. No longer jokey and hot, but deadly serious. What had I-? And all of a sudden I remembered what Myra had told me about Sam’s university girlfriend. Oh god.
“Are you ok?” I asked. I didn’t want to dump Myra in it.
“Are you sure? You went all-“
“I’m fine Cara. I just realised I have to go.”
“I really have to go Cara-”
“I know about Kelly!” I blurted out in an effort to stop her. The other end of the phone suddenly went deadly silent.
“I said,” I replied, taking a deep breath, “I know about Kelly. I’m sorry, I put my foot in it. I didn’t mean to bring back memories. I’d completely forgotten and I just thought I was being sexy and-“
“Cara stop. Please stop….” She sounded upset. “How did you find out?”
“I… I may have forced it out of someone.”
“Sam, we need to talk about this. I didn’t mean to bring back memories…”
“Cara, what happened between me and… her… it was a long time ago and it’s something I never want to re-live again. I know you didn’t mean to bring it back, but you’re just going to have to give me a bit of space now ok? I’ll call you tomorrow if I’m not too busy.”
“Please Cara. This isn’t me being mad at you. I love you. But I didn’t expect that and I need a moment. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“But… ok.” I brushed away a tear that had begun to fall. “Talk to you tomorrow. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I put the phone down on the box next to the bath and covered my face in my hands. Then I heard a muffled crash and looked up, startled. Sam hadn’t hung up properly and we were still connected. I heard another muffled bang and then a ragged gasp, followed by the sounds of her crying. I went to grab the phone and then I realised she wouldn’t be able to hear me, and that she would probably get more upset if she knew I’d heard her. So I hung up and slipped under the water, eyes closed. I held out as long as I could and then resurfaced, crying. I’d messed up again. Why was my life suddenly crashing down around me?