I was annoyed beyond belief that I had let my emotions and my stress pile on top of me, so angry that I had a panic attack in front of Cara and Megan…. I thought they had stopped. The last panic attack I had suffered had been when I was about sixteen and I was stressed out about my exams, Cara had found me on the floor of the girl’s toilets that time and had been as pale as a ghost when I had come round.
Once we had watched Cara out of sight we went back upstairs, however Megan announced that she had an early start the next day as her parents were coming down to see her and she needed to get ready so she would make a move.
“Are you sure you are okay?” she asked me hugging me tightly.
“Well I won’t be if you don’t loosen your grip on your hug. You’re suffocating me man!” I said and she released me.
“Sorry…” she said sheepishly.
“It’s alright, and don’t worry, I’ll be fine!”
“Text me if you need me!” Megan said pointing at my phone which was at that moment clasped in my right hand as I had been checking some messages on facebook.
“Don’t worry Megan I will text you,” I insisted before giving her a peck on the lips and seeing her off. When she was gone from view I walked back up to the flat, locked the door and switched off my mobile …. I just wanted some time to myself, without being worried and fussed over and without having to be sociable.
I wiggled the mouse on my laptop and it flashed into life, showing a rather old picture of Me and Cara wearing our school uniforms and pouting in what we thought was a sexy way. I quite liked this picture as I had sneaked some bunny ears about Cara’s head without her realising and when she saw the picture on facebook she was so shocked. I had used it for weeks as a weapon, threatening to e-mail it to all of her ex boyfriends if she did anything which wound me up. However it didn’t work for long as Cara had some secrets of mine which she could drop into conversation and when she remembered this we were both careful not to wind the other up for fear of being embarrassed.
I navigated my way back to the university e-mail and signed in, knowing that I would have to decide soon what to do about this e-mail. I had marked it as unread and had skimmed through it but I hadn’t read the detail fully. I clicked it open and read.
On confirmation of passing your first year of your degree course, we would like to offer you a year studying and working on placement abroad. This has been a new addition to the course allowing our second year students to recognise the importance of studying and living abroad as well as obtaining a unique and valuable experience. As the year abroad is not compulsory it does mean that places will be allocated on a first come first serve basis. The cost of the trip is £4000 in total, a non refundable £1500 deposit to be paid in advance and the rest to be paid on set dates which will be given nearer the time. We have a wide range of places that students can study including, America, Canada and even Australia and accommodation will be allocated based on where you would like to study.
If you are interested in signing up for this wonderful opportunity, please reply to this e-mail giving us your name, e-mail and telephone number so that we can contact you with more information.
Dr. Mike Mitchell
I leaned back, mulling over the e-mail which by now was days old. It was undoubtedly a great opportunity but could I afford it and did I want to go? Did I want to leave all my friends and my girlfriend behind to spend a year in another country? I struggled enough making friends without spending a year apart from the ones I had and struggling to make new ones. I had just gotten with Megan too and I didn’t want to lose either, she was so kind and loving and I would miss her, I loved her too much to spend a year without her. It was be even harder if we kept our relationship going long distance… would it work? And Cara too, I would miss her too much as well, I still loved her even if it was just as a mate and I couldn’t bring myself to be away from my best friend for that long.
On the other hand, I had always vowed not to let things hold me back. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity and was I really about to let that slip through my fingers. It would look great on my CV and would help me in the long run. I would get experience with going on placement and would understand the career I wanted to do better.
I was conflicted, I was confused and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to tell Megan or Cara or anyone just because I was worried about how they would react. Part of me really wanted to go and the other half longed for a stable environment where I know where I stand with people. The adventurous part of my brain was screaming its agreement but my non adventurous side was in turn shouting its disapproval.
I was lost and didn’t know what to do!