We finished lunch and wandered back towards my flat, Megan was chatting to Cara and I was letting my mind roam free, trying to escape the many things that were stressing me out recently. I still had to decide what to do about the e-mail I had received from the university; I hadn’t told Megan or Cara about it as I didn’t know what to think of it myself. It was a great offer but I just didn’t know whether or not to accept, coupled with the run in with Leanne and Cara’s results I was thoroughly done in. Although Cara’s results had come back fine, I still worried about her, best friend’s prerogative I suppose.
“You’re not still fretting over Leanne are you Anna?” Cara asked nudging me slightly as we walked.
“No, I know that I might bump into her now and again but she is in my past and Megan is in my present and hopefully my future….” I said with a smile, I knew I was being mega soppy. Clearly Megan thought so too as she giggled and then told me that I was a soppy bitch.
“No but seriously, you shouldn't let her get you down, karma bit her in the bum when she screwed you over.”
“Yeah I know. It’s not just her.”
“What is it then?”
“Nothing, I’m just tired is all, need an early night tonight is all” I lied, not wanting to let on that I had things that were bugging me.
“Ooh an early night!” Cara joked nudging me, “Will Megan be joining this early night too?” she asked with a giggle.
I blushed but did not reply.
“Are you coming up to the flat for a cup of tea?” I asked Cara as we reached the door.
“Go on then” she said cheerily, heading into the flat first and smiling at me.
I followed Cara and Megan up to the flat, lingering a little longer in the corridor than normal as thoughts rushed through my head, I felt dizzy with stress but shook it off. It was nothing surely; I was just getting worked up and over thinking things.
“What you doing down there?” Cara’s voice called from the flat.
“Umm, just locking the door…” I said, shuffling up the stairs, trying to catch my breath, trying to shake off the stress.
I walked up to the flat, wiping sweat off my brow as I walked into the warm and rather stuffy flat. I tried not to look at Megan and Cara, tried not to give away that something was stressing me out and went to make the tea.
Megan and Cara were casually chatting away, discussing Sam and weddings and Cara’s modelling and genuinely having a good old girly gossip, they sounded so happy and carefree. I swallowed, a lump had formed in the base of my throat and I had no idea why. Yeah I was stressed but why the hell had it driven me to the brink of tears? I was on my summer break, I had passed my first year of university, I had a wonderful girlfriend ….. Why was I so stressed? I couldn’t comprehend in my mind why I was getting so worked up about all of these small problems which could probably be solved quite easily. I didn’t understand how my mind was functioning. I poured the boiling water from the kettle into three large mugs, grabbed the box of tea bags and put a bag into each mug. I was still listening to Megan and Cara chatting away but their voices were like they were coming from a distance and it wasn’t until Megan shouted towards the kitchen asking whether I was growing the tea that I started to pay attention properly.
“Umm, no…. just miles away today” I said, stirring the tea absentmindedly. Cara got up off the couch and walked over to me.
“Yeah, you have been distant for a while now….” She said looking concerned but I wasn’t really paying attention, all my attention was on the mugs of tea that I was stirring.
“Anna?” Cara said, pulling me back to the here and now again, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing….” I lied, “Here’s you’re tea “ I said pointing at a mug on the side which I had just stirred. I knew that Cara and Megan knew that I wasn’t fine and that I was putting a brave face on it, I also knew that they wouldn’t let it drop. I looked at Cara and put on a convincing smile, “I’m fine!” I said looking at her. Next second however, I had picked up my tea and gone to walk away and felt a dizziness stow over me, engulfing me, Cara’s voice was distant in the background, and I felt as though I was spinning. I felt my knees buckle and blackness swallowed me up.