I sighed, I hadn’t counted on our girly night to turn into a big drama with Cara caught in the middle of the same argument and now I was shut in a room with Sam having to talk it out, and I had been getting on with her so well up until now. I collapsed into a chair and began to talk with no really knowledge of what I was going to say and where my words were going. I couldn’t look at Sam so instead spoke to her feet.
“Look Sam, I have been friends with Cara a long time and in that time we have become really close. Ever since you and her began dating I have felt that closeness that we once shared slipping away and I am not saying it’s your fault, I’m saying that both of us have made it difficult for Cara.”
“I am aware of that.” Sam said quietly, also not looking at me.
“So we need to stop this. We need to stop being so jealous of the other.”
“It is difficult to when you are allowing Cara to pull of your top to put on a frozen bra, despite knowing that it would make me jealous.”
“It wasn’t like that…” I began but Sam cut me off midsentence,
“…from where I am standing it looked like that, you wouldn’t say no if you said that she would jump into bed with you. You don’t give a stuff about anyone else’s feelings, you are selfish Anna. A selfish little brat who has a crush and she doesn’t care who gets hurt in the meanwhile,” Sam snapped, keeping her voice down to a angry hiss so as to not arouse suspicion outside the room that she had just blown her top. “You need to hear these home truths Anna because they are true and you and Cara being that close just makes my blood boil.”
“We have always been that close though…. I want it to go back to how we were. You need to stop the jealous girlfriend act.” I hissed angrily.
“No, you need to stop trying to break me and Cara up!”
“I’m not. I love her too much to destroy her happiness.”
“Didn’t stop you last time.” Sam muttered.
“Yeah well…. Don’t dig up the past!”
“I don’t need to as it will always be in Cara’s memory, she won’t forget the heartache you put her though by making her choose. You see, I couldn’t do that to her.
“You say that, yet being so protective over her like this is making her feel like she’s the rope in a tug of war. “
“No, I am not, I have no problems with you and her being friends. But just friends. I don’t want you hugging her, touching her at all. You are her friend and nothing more,” Sam said getting up from off the bed and standing about a foot away from me, towering over me and looking quite nasty and intimidating.
“Controlling girlfriend much,” I muttered, however from the look she gave me, as though she would strike out, I backed away.
“I am not controlling Anna. Cara is my world and you will not ruin it. The fact that you have known her all of your life makes you a threat in my eyes, especially since I know that you love her.”
“Right, understood Sam,” I said quietly, tears pricking my eyes, I didn’t like the way that Sam had control over the situation and there was no way to reason with her. She didn’t want me to be as close to Cara as I was used to, which meant that the awkwardness was bound to re-appear.
I opened the door and headed back down the corridor and into the living room where Cara, Ali and Megan were sitting watching a film I didn’t recognise. At the sound of my footsteps the film was paused and Cara swivelled round to look at me.
“Sorted?” she asked with a soft smile, looking hopeful. I didn’t want to let her down so I nodded and muttered about needing some air and heading towards the balcony where the night air was warm.
I leaned on the metal railing and looked down at the street below, a drop of water that was either a raindrop or a tear drop splashed on my cheek. I occurred to me that life seemed to take a sharp unexpected turn when I was least expecting it and it almost always seemed to send me crashing back to reality. What was right with my life? My friendship with Cara was almost in tatters and didn’t seem to be improving because of Sam. I sighed, staring up at the star speckled sky which seemed to gleam and glitter down. Another droplet of water which was either a raindrop or a tear splashed on my face again but I was determined not to show that I was upset.
My eyes glazed over as I stared out across the buildings from the balcony, my mind was in overdrive trying to figure out what to do next. Whether to ignore what Sam had said and just act like everything was fine. I mean before the frozen bra it was fine, everyone was getting along fine and laughing and joking. I just hadn’t contemplated that underneath Sam’s façade lurked the green eyed monster who was readying itself for attack if anyone dared try to take her girlfriend away from her.
I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I had no idea what to do next.
After a while, I heard footsteps heading out on the balcony, I turned expecting to see Cara approaching but instead I came face to face with Sam who approached me cautiously, shutting the door behind me.
"I, um, told Cara that you were cooling off which is why you went outside and that, um, we'd argued but I'm here to apologise."
I blinked .
"I was out of order before, I think we both said some things we shouldn't have, its just....." her voice faltered and tears were forming in her eyes. "I couldn't bear to lose Cara. It terrifies me more than anything and the logical side of my brain knows that you are decent enough not to even try to take Cara but in the past i've had relationships that.... that..." she trailed off breaking down completely, sinking down to sit on the balcony floor, tears flowing down her face. I moved across the balcony and sat down next to her, pulling her into a one armed hug which she did not shrug off.
"Listen to me Sam, I wouldn't dream of taking Cara off you, I am not that shallow. I can see how much she means to you and how much you mean to her and i wouldn't do anything to ruin that. Yes I love Cara but I can only love her as a friend as she only loves me as a friend and i am so sorry for the trouble I have caused." I was sobbing now, i had no idea why but it pulled at my heart strings to see Sam so weak and innocent, so vulnerable.
"I want you to remember that she loves you and Cara will never stop," I said hugging the sobbing Sam close who seemed to calm with this knowledge in mind.