Cara: Blog?Mature

"Anna, you might want to go home, but you're better off here. And why haven't your parents come?"

"I don't want them to see me like this..."

"Well it's your own fault you're like this. So you might as well suck it up and get better. Even if that means sharing a room and letting your parents see what an idiot you've been. You need taking care of Anna, and I'm leaving this evening. I can't do it." I didn't know whether that last remark was merely about her most recent escapade, or about the whole thing. Everything.

"I don't need taking care of - I'm becoming more independent."

"Sure you are." I rolled my eyes and then softened. "But even the most independent people need help sometimes. And knowing when to accept it is a sign of being grown up, and not stubborn." I glared at her.

"Cara, I don't understand you."

"I'm saying you're a moron."

"Not that. I mean you want me to be more independent but when I try you start helping me. How do you expect me to be better if you're always fussing?"

I stared at her. Not because I was shocked, but because I had been thinking the same thing.

"Well, you had three weeks without me, and look what happened." I muttered.

"Cara, you broke my heart..."

"And you broke mine!" I yelled, earning a few glares from Anna's room mates. "You broke mine. Damn it Anna. You were supposed to be my best friend. You ran away from our friendship because you didn't get your own way... and sometime I wonder if that's how it's always going to be. Don't you see? Don't you see how selfish you were? How childish? If I had been in your position, if I had loved you and you had been with someone else, I would have left you alone, until you needed me. I would have been there. Always. But you just couldn't stand to have me love anyone else and you broke our friendship. You broke my heart. And, how dare you say things, those things, about Sam?" I was in full rant mode now, letting loose everything I'd been holding in. "She might not be perfect, but no one is and she makes me happy. I love her Anna, she's part of me. So when you say I'm 'infatuated' with her you're damn right. I am infatuated with her. I'm in love with her. So screw you if you think I'm going to give up my happiness, the happiest I've felt in a long while, for someone who runs from me when she doesn't think everything is how she wants it. Relationships aren't like that Anna, they aren't perfect. You're living in a fairytale land, and it's about time you knew it. I'm fed up with running after you. It's about time I got something out of this friendship, other than pain. I love you, and I always will. But as a friend, and if you can't accept that... well then I'll still be your friend. But I will never let you kiss me ever again. Ever do you understand? Because I want to be with Sam forever, and she knows how you feel. And I'll be damned if your school girl crush is going to break us apart." I collapsed back in to the chair exhausted. Now all that was left was the empty space where all that weight had been stored since this had started. And it was slowly beginning to fill with guilt, guilt at having yelled at her. At having thrown all that at her. "Sorry." I muttered, truly apologetic. 

"Finished?" She asked. Her face was pained, but thoughtful. 

I nodded and wiped my face clear of the tears I had just become aware of.

"I can't help loving you Cara. I think I always will. It is not a school girl crush. It's love. But I respect and love you enough to leave you and Sam be. I will never try to seperate you. If she makes you happy... I would never destroy that. And I want you to know that I know, I know that I've been drawing all the attention to me in this friendship. And I'm going to try to change. I wrote it in my blog..."

"Blog?" I asked, still exhausted.

"Yes. I wrote in my blog again. I wrote a list of things I should do, things I should change..."

"Anna... you don't have to change. You just have to grow."

"I'm tall enough already."

I chuckled at the joke.

"Look, I'm sorry for venting. I've been carrying that for months..."

"Didn't you vent to Sam?" I gave her a look. "No, I'm not trying to find a weakness in your relationship. Just curious."

"I have vented a little to her, but I wanted to yell at you, tell you how I felt, so it never really worked." I checked my watch. "I should get going. I still have to pack and buy some things. Are you going to be alright?"

Anna laughed.

The End

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