I settled down the sleep after Cara and her mother had left, checking that my laptop was tucked safely away and my phone was off before laying down in the hospital bed which wasn’t a very good substitute for my own bed which I missed, as the springs underneath kept prodding and poking me.
I stared up at the dark ceiling and waited for sleep to overcome me, however I should know by now that every time I waited for sleep it would never come expectantly which annoyed me. There had still been an awkward air between myself and Cara and I was beginning to assume that it would remain that way. The fact that she knew that I loved her and I knew that I couldn’t stop loving her would always generate an awkward air which could not be overcome. Whether she would understand when she read my blog post. If she read my blog post.
Sleep finally overcame me however it wasn’t to the usual blackness but to a dream (a rarity as I very rarely had a dream.)
I was standing on a platform, it looked like a train platform and Cara was standing on the opposite side, a bridge high above the train tracks connected the two platforms. I headed in the direction of the bridge and when I reached it I began to cross it, heading towards Cara. Every step I took towards Cara, the bridge would magically extend, getting longer and longer, so it seemed that I was almost on a treadmill, not getting any further than the point I was already at. I pushed forward determined to reach Cara but the bridge kept extending more and more, pushing me further and further towards the platform I had started on until I fell backwards onto my bum onto the platform I had started on.
Cara was still at the other side, she turned and Sam came onto the platform and took Cara’s hand in hers. They kissed then boarded a train which had just pulled up at the platform. I screamed and attempted to run across the bridge again but like before it extended continuously until it eventually pushed me off again. A whistle sounded and the train pulled out of the station with Cara and Sam on board.
I screamed and sat bolt upright in the bed, my scream had awoken some of the other occupants of the ward including the man opposite me who looked up at me disgruntled and scowled. Lights flicked onto the ward and I had to squint, my eyes not used to the light as Katy rushed in and towards my bed. Cold sweat was pouring off my forehead and I was shaking. Tears were coursing their way down my cheeks as I tried to calm down and make sense of the dream.
Katy pulled the curtains around my bed to form a private cubicle before sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Whats wrong?” she asked concern in her eyes.
I felt silly for crying, it was just a dream and I shook my head reluctantly, trying hard to get rid of the tears.
“Anna Hunni, tell me what the matter is?” she asked putting a consoling arm around me and pulling me close to her.
“Bad dream…” I stammered my voice still shaking and trying to swallow the lump which refused to leave my throat.
“What was the dream about?” she asked
“Cara…. A bridge… I couldn’t reach her” I said breaking down into sobs again.
“Its okay hunni, it was just a dream, now you stay here and I’m just going to get you a sleeping pill which will relax you and send you into a dreamless sleep, does that sound good?”
I nodded and before I could say anything else Katy slipped though the curtain and out of the ward, I was sure that I head her on the phone as her voice died away but I didn’t know who to and frankly didn’t care. She returned about five minutes later with a glass of water and a small white pill.
“Here, take this” she said handing me the pill and the water.
It was a large pill and took two large gulps of water to get the pill down but once I had swallowed it I settled back down into the bed and Katy left, turning the light back off as she left the ward.
Before the sleeping pill took affect I was trying to work out what the meaning of the dream was and I had come to the conclusion that it had something to do with Cara and me drifting away from each other and going in separate directions before I fell into a dreamless and calm sleep.