“Sam is the woman in my life that I want to wake up every morning and see." Cara finished, staring me in the eye.
“I know we are changing Cara, hell we have both changed so much since we have been here. I was straight before I came to uni and it was actually thanks to you that I realised that I wasn’t. But how dare you, how very dare you say that I don’t know my own mind.”
“I never said…”
“Yes you did, you said that I don't know whether I’m in love with you and that I just think that I am. I know my own mind Cara.” My voice had been getting louder and louder as the argument continued and now even members of staff were looking over at our table with uncertain looks on their faces.
“Well you don’t, you fall in love so quickly it’s untrue!”
“There you go again, telling me I don’t know my own mind Cara!”
“Anna, keep your voice down, people are staring,” Cara said lowering her voice.
I lowered my voice but it did nothing for my temper which was rising inside me, it seemed funny that we had been talking about things we didn’t know about each other and now I was showing Cara a brand new side to me. Cara had never once seen me thoroughly pissed off at someone and it surprised me slightly that it was actually her that I was getting this pissed off at.
“So all those times together, all those memories mean absolutely nothing to you?”
“I never said that, of course they mean something to me, you are my best friend”
“Funny way of showing that Cara; one thing I don’t get, I make a mistake and suddenly you don’t love me anymore. You tell me I fall in love too quickly yet you seem to be able to switch between loving someone then not and you cant just turn off how you feel. Hypocrite!”
“Yes I am and I am sorry that things turned out like that but like I said before, I cant give your feelings any hope Anna. I love you as my best friend but not as anything else.
“You know; I know deep down you know what’s in your heart and its not Sam. I have been your best friend forever and we have had such fond memories. When I realised my sexuality I knew that there was only one person I could truly love. Ever since you have been with Sam, she has warped you and pulled you so far away from your friends that you’re not the Cara I used to know. Your not the Cara I was best friends with. You’re a total stranger to me.” I said forcing out the words in anger and rage.
We sat in silence for several minutes, allowing my words to be absorbed, our Panini’s and hot chocolate sat forgotten on the table. I looked at Cara who was looking back at me and I was surprised to see tears welling up in her beautiful brown eyes. She didn’t say anything but allowed a small tear to trickle down her cheek.
I got up from the table, “I’m sorry Cara but as long as you are with Sam, I cant see any sort of bond between us. She has changed you so much. Like I said to Ali last night and feel free as ask her yourself. I love you so much it pains me to see you with anyone else, and I know that makes me sound so selfish but I want you to be happy I do but it hurts to know that you would never be happy with me.” I took a step away from the table but before leaving I turned and said, “I will still live in the flat but from now on its just a place where I sleep, eat and study.”
I swallowed back a lump in my throat and then said, “I don’t know my best friend anymore!” before letting out a stifled sob and running out of the café and towards a place where I could be left to my thoughts.