I bought the top and a dress before we went for lunch. A quaint little cafe caught my eye and I dragged Anna inside.
"Are you middle aged?" She giggled as we sat down. "Since when do you like little cafes with tea cups and saucers?"
"I've always liked them. I just never took you in to one because I knew it wasn't really your thing."
"Oh. You learn something new every day. Why are you showing me now?"
"Because you're my best friend, and you should know everything about me."
"Have I upset you?" She looked upset.
"No, no. I just didn't realise there was much I didn't know about you."
"Well you didn't know I was gay. But then neither did I."
"There has to be things you haven't told me."
"Well then! See, there are some things we can still learn about each other."
"Why? Why are you doing this?"
"I just thought it would be nice. We haven't talked properly in such a long time, I feel like I have no idea what's been going on in your life."
The waitress came over then so we ordered and as soon as she'd gone Anna rounded on me.
"Not much really. If you remember I had amnesia?"
I stared at her.
"I know. But you must have been through a lot that you didn't talk about."
"What like remembering I'm in love with you?"
I closed my eyes and rubbed them, realising this wasn't going how I planned. When I looked up Anna was still glaring.
"Anna, I can't do any more than I am doing. I don't feel that way about you. We never... when we were together we kissed, that was it. And then we broke up."
"Because I was stupid and made a mistake."
"But after that you were fine. You went out with Leanne, you were in love with her. And Ali..."
"I didn't love..."
"But that's the problem Anna. You think you're in love too quickly. And no one falls in love that quickly. Sure, you might feel like you do but it takes time to prove that you were right in that first instance. And you never give it the time."
"But I've had time with you Cara. Our whole lives." For once she wasn't crying. I wondered if it was because she'd cried too much over it, or whether she had finally grown a little tougher. "And you've only been with Sam for... well however long."
"Eight months. This thursday." A small smile crept on to my face.
She stared for a moment and then shook her head.
"But that's nothing compared to how long we've known each other."
"Anna it's not about Sam. I love her but even if she wasn't in my life the answer would still be no."
"Because I just don't feel that way about you. And you don't know whether you're in love with me. You just think you are. But you always think you are and even if I did have feelings for you I wouldn't risk our friendship again just so you could work it out."
As soon as the words were out I felt bad but I had finally said what I felt. Anna simply stared at me. The waitress arrived with our paninis and hot chocolates and hurried off. A couple near us were sneaking glances over at us, obviously having heard our conversation.
"I see. So no feelings towards me whatsoever? Or are you just trying not to risk our friendship?"
"The only feelings I have for you are of friendship. Or sisterly. But I just, can't feel that way about you Anna. I tried. I honestly tried. For a while there with Sam, at the start, I was so terrified of being with someone I tried to fall back in love with you. So that I could tell you I wanted back in. I knew you'd say yes if I did. But I just felt nothing. No attraction whatsoever. And with Sam, I feel that, and more. With her I feel... comfortable, warm and like she'll always be there for me."
"And you don't feel that about me?"
"I know that the old us promised we'd always be together, but I'm changing Anna. I'm growing up. And you... you've been through so much but it hasn't changed you. I still want you and I to be friends. You'll always be my closest friend. But for me, right now, Sam is the woman in my life that I want to wake up every morning and see."