I was a little cautious when Amy went into kiss me; I turned my head to one side and allowed her to kiss my cheek rather than my lips. She had persuaded me to have a couple more drinks despite my promise to myself that I would only have one. I could tell that she was sweet on me from the way she talked yet I couldn’t seem to see it working. Not with Cara there at least.
We packed away the chairs, tables and equipment which took at least an hour and then Ali, Jak and I all climbed into the taxi which took us back to the house. Jak paid Ali’s taxi fair again which was very nice of him to do and we all made our way inside.
After we had all congratulated Sam on putting on a brilliant night and both Cara and Sam had gone to bed and before retiring to my bedroom myself; I decided to put things right between myself and Ali. There had been a awkward air between us since we had split up and I wanted to resolve it, I liked Ali and wanted to be her friend still. I followed her out of the living room, catching up with her just as she reached her bedroom door.
“Hey, can I talk to you real quick?” I whispered and she nodded opening her bedroom door wide so I could go inside.
I sat myself down on her bed and looked at her who was looking back at me with an expression which made it quite clear that she was uncomfortable about having me in her bedroom.
“Look Ali, I want things to be okay between us and I know I hurt you but….” I lost my train of thought as giggles came from the wall separated Cara room from Ali’s, Giggles which were struggling to be stifled. I looked at the wall then looked at my feet; I wasn’t sure whether Ali had noticed or not until she spoke in a calm and caring voice.
“You really love her don’t you?” she asked sitting on the bed next to me.
I looked at her, tears brimming in my eyes and nodded, “So much it hurts to think that she doesn’t want me, it shatters my heart into a million tiny pieces to hear her happy in the arms of another woman.” I swallowed back a sob, “That makes me sound terribly selfish I know, I want her to be happy I do but it hurts to know that she would never be happy with me.” I let out a stifled sob as Ali pulled me into a hug. “The thing that hurts most is that this is destroying our friendship, that spark isn’t there that used to be, she cant look me in the eye anymore without thinking I am going to leap on her and it breaks my heart,” I told Ali’s shoulder as she patted my back.
“You know I don’t hate you for breaking with me Anna, I loved you for being honest with me, not many people have the decency to say that they don’t love the other anymore but you did and I appreciated that. Besides we are better as friends as you’re a shit shag!” she said with a cheeky smile so I could tell she was joking. This lightened the mood slightly as I playfully slapped her arm.
“No, I’m only joking, you were actually an amazing shag but like I said I appreciate you being honest with me Anna” Ali said hugging me.
“Thanks Ali, I am glad you don’t hate me because I couldn’t stand that.”
“I could never hate you Anna, we might have got off on the wrong foot but you’re an amazing person and I could never ever hate you!”
“Thanks” I said with a smile.
We sat in silence for a few moments until a rather loud giggle coming from Cara’s room made me decide that it was time to go to bed.
“Anyway I am going to bed, night Ali!” I said getting off the bed and heading towards the door.
“Hey, chin up chick” Ali said giving me a warm loving smile, I gave her a well practiced fake smile which she seemed to buy and left the room.
Just as I left Ali’s room, Cara backed out of her room wearing her dressing gown, “you strange woman, I have never known anyone have a craving for mint chocolate ice cream at half twelve at night!” she said with a giggle shutting the door and turning round.
She caught sight of me instantly and her smile seemed to slip off her face, “Hey are you okay?” she asked, concern seeping into her voice slightly. She reached out a hand to put on my shoulder but I moved back slightly and shrugged at the same time. “Yeah I’m fine Cara, night.” I said giving her a fake smile which I wasn’t sure she believed anymore as I had used it so often when I was upset and headed towards my room. When I entered the warmth of my bedroom and pulled myself into my beds embrace I allowed my eyes which had been filling up slowly to release the tears I had been fighting so hard to hold back.