I didn’t understand what was happening or who anyone was, they were all strangers to me and their fussing over me made me feel awkward. The group of people including the girl who claimed she was my best friend, her girlfriend and my claimed girlfriend left all looking thoroughly shocked and upset. Was it something I had done or said? I sat in the bed and stared at the blank whitewashed walls not knowing what to do; tears were splashing down onto my cheeks and I couldn’t understand why.
I leaned my head backwards until my head was touching the headboard and sighed just as a young nurse walked into the room.
“Hello Miss Hawman, its me Katy again, I’m just going to hook you up to this machine here” she pointed at a blue machine which was sitting on a wheel trolley, “and how I will do this is just by attaching two small probes to either side of your head; just above the ears” Katy finished with a warm smile, “it wont hurt a bit, and if you could also swallow these two tablets which will allow you to go into a deep relaxation state, meaning you wouldn’t be asleep but you wouldn’t know that you were awake, meaning that we can monitor your brain. Do you understand?” she asked and I nodded.
I put the small oval shaped green coloured pills into my mouth and gulped it down with some water while Katy fixed the probes to the sides of my head. The effect of the tablets seemed to take effect quite quickly making me feel very comfortable despite being in a hospital bed. I slipped down beneath the covers and knew no more.
When I ‘woke up’ the next day the girl who had said she was my best friend was sitting next to me, she looked as though she hadn’t slept and was still in the clothes that she had been wearing the day before.
“Hey you, how are you feeling?” she asked reaching out and taking my hand momentarily and for a second I flinched away as a small spark of recognition filled my head when she had touched me but as soon as I had stopped to think about it, the spark had gone.
“What’s your name again?” I asked her.
“Cara” she replied looking slightly hurt that I had to ask, “I’m your best friend, remember” she said softly quickly trying to stifle a sob.
“I’m sorry” I said not knowing what else to say but feeling bad all the same because I was clearly upsetting her.
“Cant you remember anything?” she asked desperately, gazing at me though watery brown eyes, “Remember in primary school when we were doing the school nativity and you were playing a shepherd and you said you bring Frankenstein instead of frankincense?” she asked laughing slightly, “….everyone was laughing for about ten minutes and in that time Stanley Tweddle wet himself laughing so hard!”
I laughed but shook my head, I couldn’t remember it at all.
“Oh Anna….” Cara said taking my hand again, and again a small spark shot through me but triggered nothing. It was as though my mind wanted to remember but something was blocking its progress. A mental block.
“I’m sorry” I said again as Cara sighed.