Cara’s words had stung, as though Sam had put the words into her mouth like Cara was some contortionist’s dummy. I had liked Sam but now she was meddling in my friendship with Cara and possibly pushing it into dangerous waters. That aside however, Sam and Cara did have a point that I let my emotions seep though too much and rely too much on my friends as my safety net for when I tumble out of control. I did need to sort myself out and I was the only one who could.
I would have gone to speak to Cara but after the argument I felt it would be best to leave it, plus Sam was hanging around like a bad smell. Ali seemed to have gone out / keeping out of the way or at a lecture and Matt was as usual confined to his bedroom. I went upstairs and grabbed my phone from its place under my pillow to find that it had run down, I uncoiled my charger, pressed it into the wall and plugged my mobile in. Since my mobile had been left behind there were no missed calls or texts so I put the mobile on the floor and went downstairs to answer the door the police who had come to check me over.
“I am fine!” I insisted to the officer, “I just needed some space from everything,”
“Well you look fine and well to me but next time, let someone know where your going, especially in this day and age!” she said looking sternly over her glasses at me.
“Okay” I said looking over at Cara who still had a concerned expression on her face and Sam who still had a face like thunder. “I’ll show you out” I said feeling uncomfortable as an awkward silence threatened to linger over us all.
As the officer drove away, Leanne’s slim figure came into view, the skin that was exposed looked browner than before but that might have been because I had not seen her in so long. I fought back a smile which was determined to creep onto my face but I kept my expression impassive. I was angry that she hadn’t rung me like she promised.
“Hey” she said almost cheerfully but I just extended my arm and allowed her to enter the house.
“What’s that matter?” she asked,
“If you don’t know, you must be thick” I said waspishly, “In the living room now!” I demanded and she obliged. Cara and Sam were still sitting in the living room and had been talking but when Leanne and I entered they lapsed into silence making me assume that they had been talking about me.
“Do you want me to stay?” Cara asked uncertainly but before I could answer Leanne fired up at her,
“Why would she need you to stay? She can talk to me without having someone with her!”
“Don’t talk to her like that!” Sam snapped getting to her feet, both Leanne and Sam were about the same height and both their expressions seemed to mirror each other.
“Both of you pack in!” I shouted getting between them before blood was shed, “Thanks for the thought Cara but I just want to talk to Leanne on my own if that’s okay?” I said with a small smile. She nodded and then proceeded to lead Sam into her room, once I heard her door click and I had pressed the living room door shut I rounded on Leanne.
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“I was working!”
“But you said you would ring and you didn’t” I whined at her.
“But I was working!”
“The thing is I don’t even know what you do as your job, and who is Megan?” I questioned her.
“Anna, sit down” she said with a sigh.
“Just sit down!” she insisted and I sat but did not break eye contact with Leanne, my heart was beating hard in my chest and I was scared that what she was going to say would change everything.
“My work mobile broke so I had to use my personal mobile and Megan is my work name,”
“Oh no…” I said my mind whirling into overdrive, “Your not, you can’t be!”
“Go on, what do you think that means?”
“You’re a prostitute?” I asked dreading the answer, I scrunched up my eyes but not so much that I didn’t see the small jolt of the head which indicated that she was. It was the jolt of the head which shattered my heart.
“But I loved you!” I said every syllable trembling as I contemplated what she was saying.
“And I did try to love you, I really did and I didn’t want you to find out like this. I didn’t want to hurt you….”
“But…” I said, knowing that her next word would be ‘but’.
“But I cant, I did try but I can’t …. The thrill of my job was the sex, I have quit now but that’s only because I met Dann.”
“Who’s Dann?” I asked tears now trickling silently down my face but I didn’t wipe them away.”
“He is the guy I met when I was working as a prostitute and have decided I want him in my life.”
“So were you fucking me when you were fucking him?” I asked trying to remain calm but shaking all the same.
“Yes but it was work then, he was paying me….”
“Oh so that makes it better does it? All the time you had to rush off to ‘go to work’ you were going to fuck him!”
“Yes, but it was work then!”
“It doesn’t make an ounce of difference, you still went behind my back. You should have told me you were a prostitute.” I shouted angrily, spit flying out of my mouth “Why did you quit?!”
“Because I fell for Dann. When I went away it wasn’t work, he had taken me on holiday.”
“How long has this been going on for?”
“About four months” she muttered.
“Right” I said weakly, sinking into a chair.
“I never meant to hurt you….” She started but I lifted my hand to stop her,
“You never meant too, yet you did” I said simply, ”Just go Leanne, get out of my life”
“There is something else you ought to know!”
“What” I said believing that nothing else that she said would surprise me but I was so wrong.
“I’m pregnant with his baby” she said and the words seemed to reverberate inside my head, I couldn’t contemplate it.
“Get. Out!” I said emphasising each word and glaring at her. I didn’t want to see her again; she had shattered my heart and seemed to show little remorse. Yeah she had said that she had ‘never meant to hurt me’ but they were just words. Just Words.
As the front door clicked shut and Leanne walked out of my life forever I let out a stifled sob then wiped all traces of tears from my face. After all that had been said before Leanne had come round I needed to put on a brave face and show that I could cope.
I peered into the mirror hanging in the living room and sorted my face into what I thought was a convincing brave face. The expression I knew Cara would believe.