I could hear the soft beating of Leanne’s heart as I rested my head against her chest and we watched the film – it was Liam’s choice of film, he had insisted that since neither Leanne or I had watched it before it was a ‘must see’. Leanne absentmindedly stroked my hair and the film playing became a muffled noise in the background as I dosed on Leanne and then, my eyelids becoming heavy fell asleep.
I was back at the dance school where I had first found out that Cara was gay and I was quite alone until I heard footsteps, growing louder as they drew nearer, echoing around the hall. I wheeled around as caught sight of another me walking into the room, I then turned at the sound of yet more footsteps from the opposite side of the room as saw Cara. Both the other me and Cara walked towards each other but before they reached each other, the other me began to bubble – my features contorted horribly, disfiguring me, changing me. My hair darkened and became straight and slightly shorter, my face became slightly rounder and thinner and with a pang of horror I realised who the other me was changing into before the transformation had finished. I had changed into the duplicate of Ali. I stood there, staring transfixed at Ali utterly perplexed as to what was happening, Ali and Cara were still walking towards each other, arms outstretched ready to pull the other into a heartfelt hug. What the ruddy hell was going on?
Confused I walked up to Cara to ask her what was happening but it became apparent that neither Cara nor the newly transformed Ali could see me. I was a spirit …. I wasn’t there to them.
As they broke apart I saw that both were grinning at the other and seemed truly happy to be in the others company, the same type of grin that Cara and I share when hanging out together.
“It’s being with you Cara, I swear you’re the closest friend I have ever had, I have never been that close to anyone before but with you I feel as though I can trust you!” Ali said and her voice seemed to echo around the room, amplified even though she wasn’t even talking that loud.
“I feel the same way” Cara said grinning back at her, “You’re probably my closest friend, in fact you are” Cara said and I felt a lump forming in my throat as she said it.
“Even closer than you and Anna?” she asked, the corners of her mouth twitching, ready to curl into a smug smile if she heard what she wanted.
“Yes, to be honest Anna and I have been drifting apart for a while now, she has always got something on or is out with someone that she is dating –because she is always dating someone. The number of things we have in common seems to have diminished over the years and any conversation I have with her now is restricted. At least with you it flows naturally.”
As soon as Cara had said these words I jerked awake, cold sweat on my face. I was still laid on Leanne who obviously hadn’t bothered to wake me and had fallen asleep where she was – her head lolling to one side. Someone had helpfully turned out the main light in the living room and had thrown a couple of blankets over Leanne and me, obviously under the impression that we would both sleep through the night. I sat up and pressed my head into my hands thinking hard about the dream I had just had – the details of which were now trickling away like water from cupped hands. Was the dream true, were Cara and me drifting apart due to being too busy to find time for each other? Or was it just a dream?