I edged slowly forward and perched on the edge of Cara’s bed, she was still averting her gaze purposely not looking at me, I could hear Matt still smashing things in the kitchen but at moment in time I didn’t care; all that mattered was fixing my friendship with Cara.
“You said you wanted to talk” I said, speaking to my feet instead of looking at Cara, it hurt me that it felt so awkward to speak to Cara when normally it was so natural.
“Yes.” She said, and then we lapsed into silence again.
“Well?” I asked, feeling very uncomfortable.
“I…. don’t know how I feel, I am confused Anna, you feel like a stranger to me” she said, “I don’t know how to take you anymore…” she paused, stifling a sob before continuing “…and it scares me how you can change so much,” she said taking her gaze off the ceiling and finally looking at me with those beautiful eyes.
“I haven’t changed at all” I said, “but I do admit that kissing you was probably down to me just being upset, it was the heat of the moment and meant nothing and I am sorry” I said thinking that that was exactly what she wanted to hear, I mean it had been a mistake Cara was my best friend and nothing more …. Why would I spoil that?
“But did it mean nothing?” she asked, “if it meant nothing then why cant I see that, why am I so confused over my feelings for you?” she asked, more to herself than me.
“What do you mean?” I asked her,
“What I mean Anna, is I am confused over my feelings for you, whether I see you as my best friend or something more.”
I stared at her in utter shock, and was momentarily lost for words,
“Cara, I ….” I began stumbling over my words as I hastened to say what I wanted to say, “that kisswasa mistake and it never meant to happen, I was both upset and feeling vulnerable and was seeking comfort in anyway I could, I am sorry if I confused you but I hope it hasn’t affected our friendship.” I said getting up off the bed, I could feel her gaze on me as I made for the door and I felt rotten for saying it but it was the truth.
I dashed out of her bedroom door without looking behind me as I knew that if I did I would meet her beautiful brown eyes which were undoubtedly filled with unshed tears which would only make me feel even more guilty.
I peaked around the kitchen door to find it deserted, shards of plates and cups were scattered all over the kitchen floor and the kitchen couch had been overturned in Matt’s rage.
“Jesus Christ” I muttered, scanning the room which was totally trashed, I got down on my knees and started to gather up the broken shards of plates and cups, silently crying as I did so.
Nothing was going right!