Like A VirginMature

Y'know, back when I had sex with my ex I was worried that people would think it slutty of me because he was two and a half years older than me. Like I was just giving it up for anyone.
Then I thought it over and realised that I had been with him for six months. I wasn't just giving it up, I truly thought that.. well maybe I loved him.
And we did not break up until six months after that - nothing to do with the sex considering we stopped having sex pretty much immediately.

I chose not to tell everyone for two reasons: I genuinely wanted to keep it to myself because I didn't want to be judged in whatever way people chose to and I found it extremely amusing when people told me it was obvious I was still a virgin - clearly, I would think, that's why I lost my virginity months ago.
But now I'm pretty much okay with people knowing, it happened and I'm not going to lie about it any more like I did back then.
So now, of course, a few more people know.

And it's pissing me off.

We waited six months.
Maybe you don't think that's very long?
Well when you barely see them at all, every moment counts.
Before 'Gaz' (dislike of nickname) that was how it seemed to feel~ the less I saw someone close to me, the more I wanted them to be wit me and the closer I wanted to be with them when I did finally see them - it was like we had been together years by that point. (It's different with 'Gaz' because it seems to be almost opposite; the more I see him, the more I want to see him..  circle of.. longing? Yay, I'm the desperate girlfriend.. anyway~)
Nothing happened between us until we had been together three months (excluding kissing) and we didn't even kiss until I'd known/sort of decided I wanted to be with him for two months.

We talked.
We watched movies.
We messed around.
He was best friends with my mother.
We played board games with the family.
I helped him work for his granddad.
We were close.

Me and Gareth are close, I am not implying we are not. We are far closer than me and Ash ever really had any chance of being, I think - I forget though.. I don't really remember how  close we were.

Carrying on.
I didn't just give away my virginity to the next best thing walking down he street though I will admit it was a mistake and I should never have done it..
My point being we had eight months of knowing each other, six months of dating, three months of being remotely sexual before we took that step.

Stop treating me like a damn whore.

I'm so tired of this crap.
I got called a whore and a slut and fuck knows what else when you all found out about all the 'remotely sexual' stuff for months. So give it a fucking rest!

It does not make me a whore to have sex with one person who I thought meant everything to me.
I fucked up.
Doesn't take away from the fact that at that point I thought I had strong feelings for him.

Our relationship was not based on sex, sex was just a part of the relationship.

Who else did I have sex with to make me a whore? A slag? Some slut who just flits from guy to guy having sex with them and then leaving?

Yes, I kissed a girl.


SERIOUSLY?! If kissing is sex now then crap I've had sex with my mother.

"I would rather give him a blowjob than let him do that! I'm a VIRGIN remember?!" 
Since when has being fingered been a question of virginity?
'I'm a virgin remember?!' Yes. I know you are a virgin. That's nice for you.
I was also a virgin when I first got fingered.
And the time after that.
And so on.
I'm sorry, does the fact that I'm not a virgin mean I'm going to move faster?
That being fingered by anyone is just fine for me because I've already had sex so what's some guy's fingers inside of me?

No it doesn't fucking mean that!
What the actual fuck?

Capitalise your bloody word as though I don't know what it means. Drawing out every letter in case it's been so long that I don't know how to say it.

"You and Gareth haven't done anything? He must be well frigid since you had sex with that last guy." 
Are you actually saying that because I've had sex..
Fuck you.
Actually fuck you.

I wish I'd taken up Nick's offer.

I want you all in pain.

So. Fucking. Angry.

I've got John telling me I have to have sex like it's just another act.

Will agreeing.

Just fuck off!

Even my mother..
"Since you're not a virgin, lets go to family planning and get you a different form of contraception."


"going to be straight to the point, how far have you gone with Gareth?" 
I'm going to be straight to the point, what the fuck makes it any of your business?


Damn rumour.

So. Damn. Mad.

I want to punch something.
Actually, I want to punch her specifically at the moment.
Both of them in fact.

Apparently, punching them in my mind does not help. 

The End

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