I'm very full of memories at the moment.
I'm having trouble breathing again.. it's not the same really (well it is actually because some of it was like this, when I was tired - I know because I have proof in that little red diary I carried around with me and I think it was the first entry which said that my 'attacks' were worse because I hadn't been sleeping) but I am finding breathing hard..
I just looked in the mirror and rubbed my chest like I used to though I know it won't help, which is funny because I used to know it wouldn't help.
And then the memories hit, like a slap in the face.
"Ha, she used to do this too.. well, not this" -punches chest a few times- "This, and I asked her if it helped and she said no, just like me."
Accept not like me because I didn't hurt myself and my attacks are all in my head, my attacks are nothing compared.
She's going to be in this story when I get around to writing it.
I know she is.
Because this girl is suicidal and you, 'beautiful one' made me suicidal.
I should have called one of them Anna.
I have.. four chapters at the moment. But they're not, they're not chapters, they're.. flashbacks. Dreams. Memories.
Of Anna. Because of you Jake, would you believe it? -laughs- yes, you probably would.
Anna the suicidal girl with the world on her shoulders. It felt.. fitting.
I wonder which is you.
I sort of, stole your character. I guess she is you but.. I'd prefer it the other way. I see you in him.
At any rate, you aren't in this story.
You will be though, unless she does die. I haven't decided.
There are three possible endings. I hope the mother dies in all of them, the mother is an evil bitch.
-sighs- I went a little off topic, what was I talking about? Memories. Oh, then I'm not off topic so much. Anna's memories are not so far from my own.
She should have one about her failures too.
How useless she is.
And I need to write in the painful memory of the break-up.
Four dreams in, nowhere near the end.
Bea needs to die.
Chris needs to break her heart.
Or she needs to break his..
Jake needs to come in..
Her father.. well, her father is already part of it.
Her mother needs to die.
Though, she probably won't.
-sighs- nothing ever works out in real life eh Anna?
You poor thing.. your life sucks..
I'm sorry I'm going to write you into this story and, my dear, I'm sorry you want to kill yourself.
And, I'm sorry you have panic attacks.
(I am going to have to read up on those though)
Anyway, my work is unfinished so I should go back to it.
Thank the Lord for energy drinks.. even though they were made by human hands but.. -ehum- he made the human hands so ~ Thank you Lord.