I have no will to write, nor sleep, nor comment, nor reply, nor get the other computer and game, nor sit her and stare blankly into space, nor do art work.
In fact, I have no will to breathe either. It's just a hassle.
I feel like I've been ill for months but it's only really been the past few days... I'm bored of sneezing and not being able to breathe all that well.
I've also got a headache..
You keep hitting nerves.. and you hit them hard because you use exact words.. or you use my words, throw them back in my face like she did. Though she did it with much more spite, more malice. She did it to harm and you, you did it to hide.
"Who are you trying to convince?" It wasn't me. Because if you were trying to convince me you would have been far more convincing. 'I'm fine' are the words we say when we're not. We say 'I'm fine, really I am' when we know that we aren't and I use them to tell people that I am not fine at all. If I say I'm fine then I'm upset or angry and I want you to know it..
So if you say that you are fine then that is what you are telling me.. that you are not.
Laughter as though everything's okay? And I've had someone tell me they want to get hit by a train and start laughing.. it was okay then with our sick sense of humour.. are you the same? Sadly tearful laughter. Do I need to search for the part of myself again? The one which said to her "I tried to kill myself the other day but it didn't work" and started laughing? And who went through all the different ways of suicide with her like we were talking about the weather? The one who always said she would do a double suicide with Robin? I forget why they're called Robin.. might be Batman actually.. oh well, Robin will do.
Then again, that part of me hasn't really gone anywhere.. it's just suppressed while she is no longer here with me.. as in, to talk to.
Laughter is painful..
And.. I'm fine.. is painful..
It's actually sort of funny (it's really not) how much alike you are.
It's been so long since we were close and yet I accidentally happen to get closer with her male double?
-sigh- because you are so alike.. which really sucks..
You are different though.. thank God for your differences.. if you were the same I think I would actually kill myself.. and that'd be awkward for everyone..
Everyone who cares anyway..
Matt still fancies me. I forgot to tell you that. Well, in all honesty it's not exactly an important piece of information. It's hardly like anything is going to happen there~
-I was writing this last night, I stopped writing there and went to sleep-