Merry F*cking ChristmasMature

This day has been so.. all over the place..
Merry f*cking Christmas.

And it is always my fault.

Oh, it's strange how much I've  missed him today. With everything going on... all the madness.. but he's been on my mind for the whole day.

Ah.. I spent the last three hours or so watching Luke gain, use, complain about and begin to understand his first shout. And from me it was "no I don't own Skyrim but my boyfriend does and I practically live at his house so I sort of own it" and.. "my boyfriend's got a level 47 (I think) Nord (I think) with awesome armour and an awesome sword.. he let my play it.. it's so much fun :3"..

Understandable that with talk of Skyrim comes talk of mi pastel..

But I was chilling with old guys earlier and he was on my mind.. what does he have to do with them?

-sigh- he's been on my mind all day.

Merry f*cking Christmas..

I wish we did not argue. I wish we did not yell and scream. I wish she did not cry. I wish I did not glare and stare out of the window - into the distance. I wish I did not say I hated her. I wish I did not hate the words which fall from her lips. I wish she did not say things like that...

Merry f*cking Christmas.

With roaring laughter from the chest of Roy. Bill with a smile across his face. Alice drinking tea quietly to herself and slowly falling asleep in her wheelchair, so peaceful. ~I don't know how to spell his name~ chatting away to me, sad that I left the seat next to him. And Jack asking me to go to his New Year's party in his beautiful mixture between sign language, writing and words.

Merry f*cking Christmas.

With hate and love. With carols and silence. With sleep and a lack thereof. With smiles and tears. With confusion. With oxymorons.

Merry f*cking Christmas.

With reminders of that which makes me hate this day, all day.
Look at my family.
My presents were...
I'm alone for Christmas..

Those are other people's words.

Oh, I hate Christmas.. 

The End

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