Flying before my eyes was my wasted life. My broken heart. My shattered mind. I was tired and stretched out. I had to leave this place. That's why I was lying on the cold bathroom floor. That's why I could faintly hear him trying to break the door down.
* * *
I woke up in a hospital bed, the angry beeping of a heart monitor told me that much. There was something tightly wrapped around my wrists and a nagging pain in the back of my right hand informed me I was hooked up to an IV line, though what fluid they were pumping into me I didn't know. I shivered. I'd never liked needles. I looked around, wondering how I'd gotten here when I'd been so sure I was going to die. That's when I saw him. He'd fallen alseep in the stiff hospital chair, the book in his hand threatening to clatter to the floor.
"Alex" I said quietly, not really wanting to wake him.
I didn't want him here. It was because of him I was here. Slowly his eyes flickered open and he greeted me with a warm smile.
"Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?" he said softly in his perfect voice.
That's what Alex was: perfect. His perfect voice, soft but husky when it needed to be. His messy brown which never managed to look anything less than amazing. The light dusting of muscle that graced his tall thin frame. I turned my head to the side, not wanting to look at him in all his perfection.
"Caleb, are you listening to me?" he asked.
"Go away, Alex".
"You said that all those months ago yet here I am" he said with a laugh.
"Well you made it pretty clear we were over" I said harshly, still not facing him.
"If I remember rightly it was you who ended it with me. That's why I came to see you today".
"Alex, seriously, just leave".
"No. Not until I've said what I came to say. I love you. I've always loved you. And I came to you today to beg for forgiveness. Whatever I did to upset you, I'm sorry. I just want things back the way they were".
When I didn't reply or move I heard him sigh.
"I guess I'll go then" he said, defeated.
I heard him stand up and walk across the room. He was finally leaving. That was what I wanted...right? Then why did I suddenly feel guilty? Why did the slashes at my wrists start to sting? Why did my heart feel like it was breaking again? No, not breaking. It felt like my already broken heart was being wrenched out of my chest and thrown on the floor in arrogant victory. A victory that now seemed worthless.
"Alex" I said quietly, afraid he wouldn't hear.
"Yes?" he asked from the doorway.
"I miss you".
The room was silent, save for the beeping of the heart monitor. Next thing I knew Alex's lips were pressed to my own, soothing the pain in my heart and my wrists. A few hours before, I'd wanted to leave this Earth. And I suppose I did in a way. Because in that moment there was only me...and Alex.