That crazy place where people hope… I had very much wanted it to be my home, but then he stepped into my life. Of course, when you don’t need hope, you don’t have a place to ‘hope in’, if that makes any sense. My mother once said:
“Don’t ever say things that you don’t mean, or that you can’t take back easily.”
And, oh boy, wasn’t she right.
That fateful day that I said “I love you,” to Jason, or the time when Kiria and I stopped being friends because of a silly misunderstanding, they linger on in my mind.
I first met Jason when we were thirteen, but he was unremarkable until I saw how much of a wizard he was on the football field. I suppose, even then, I should have noticed how much my feelings for the meathead were based on attraction alone. No, I spent my time wandering after him, like the fool I was. I suppose when I finally realised that a relationship wouldn’t work, I still carried on.
“You just desire what is on the outside. Look inside and you’ll see that Jason has nothing to give you,” Kiria remarked, on that date when she chose to hate me for the rest of our days. Perhaps, one day, she’ll come around and realise that I was swept up in the moment. I was very much a ‘moment’ girl. A fool.
“It’s better than being alone,” I had replied.
Kiria laughed, “Don’t be silly. Being alone is not a curse.”
Yes, I was bitter, back then; I regret it all, but I can‘t take it back.
I suppose that what I most regret was when I swapped hope for materialistic things, because I should have seen which was more useful to me, and which I was more worthy of.
When you have everything, you don’t hope. When you don’t hope then there’s no place to go back to. Don’t ever make the same mistake as me.