I usually tend to avoid writing about myself, but I couldn't resist a late-night spewing session. Hopefully the last one, but who knows what is to come...?
Am I happy?
What makes me happy is not money. Nor is it power. Nor is it success. What makes me happy is feeling like I belong somewhere. I wonder if other people feel the same way too, but I see a lot of people who are just happy to do well in life. Maybe a sense of belonging isn't so important to their happiness as they always have it - maybe I only think like this because I so often feel like a misfit. It's funny though. Over time, I've grown to like being different. It has gotten me recognised by a lot of people. That said, it's a double-edged sword and people will also hate you for it. What truly makes me feel good is when people can look at a guy who isn't one bit like them and decide to include him on their nights out and peer pressure him into doing stuff he doesn't normally do. It's at these times I feel happy - because at these times, my many quirks don't matter at all.
I am happy, because I have friends like these. But I haven't always had and I doubt I always will. No amount of past success has ever made me feel happy - the victory has always been hollow without people willing to share it with me. But over the last couple of years, I've had those people and it means a lot! Even if they do make fun of me all the time. Grrr.
There are one or two special people who I always feel happy around, even when I want to be moody with them (will not name names of course) - these are the people I wanna hold onto for a long time. Something about them just makes me smile, even when they are being complete douches, which has definitely happened. Maybe they know who they are - people always seem to tell me it's obvious. Why am I writing this now? Because I feel like it is a testament to those people that I at least in some way acknowledged their importance to me, whether or not they read this.
But back to the topic. I'm happy! Though, not as in "I wanna clap" happy, Pharell Williams is a great artist but that song is starting to make me unhappy...