Dear Wild One Of The Bunch,
Maybe you should stop whining, and actually realize that your friend is happy doing what he's doing. It doesn't mean he's not your bass player anymore, or can't play gigs with you on Friday night. Maybe he decided it was time for a change, especially after working at his job as a Geek Squad Agent for so long. And he's not wasting his brain, but you might be, especially after writing such a harsh letter to me. I put a lot of thought into giving guidance to the less fortunate. I think I can relate to your friend's problem, because, oh, wait a minute, I'm an advice columnist too. Gee, what a coincidence. Being a columnist for the local newspaper sounds like a better money making job than a Geek Squad Agent at a Best Buy store. If your friend wanted to get chicks, he wouldn't be hiding behind a newspaper under an anonymous name, which, by the way, he's now changing to "Birkoff"... "Ask Birkoff." I like the sound of that. It's got a ring to it, doesn't it? Give your friend a break, huh? He won't be around forever and he might actually be better off in this new job of his.
Oh, and one last thing, please don't write to me again, unless you actually have something worthy of my advice giving skills, and decide to take me seriously. Okay? Thanks!