Dear Anonymous Addvice Column Advice Giver,
I got a problem, obviously, otherwise, why would I be writing this letter to you. I'll try and keep this brief. A friend of mine recently quit his day job as a Geek Squad Agent to become an advice columnist for a local newspaper, and now he's spending more time giving chicks and dudes advice on the lamest things, instead of playing bass with his band when they gotta rehearse for their Friday gigs. This friend of mine is a pretty decent guy, no, make that one of the smartest guys I know. Why would he give up a real money making job to give advice? Why's he wasting his brain doing this? Is he trying to get chicks? No one even knows who he is, or what he looks like...well, except maybe me, and my buddies, you might know them, Ryan and Andrew. Seriously, what can I do to shake him from this new job?
Your friend--I mean, reader,
Wild One Of The Bunch