I couldnt sleep, the thought that Bartholemew was dead kept swirling around and round inside my head and it was a relief to see daybreak. The carriage pulled to a halt outside my fathers castle and I climbed out, quite happy to stretch my legs.
My mother hurried out of the castle and at the sight of me, hurried over and pulled me into a hug. I couldn't stop the tears then, my shoulders shook violently as i sobbed into my mothers shoulder.
"Excuse me?" A young man came hurring over to my mother and me and i pulled quickly out of my mothers grasp. "A messenger was sent from Alexandria's kingdom; asking of the whereabouts of your daughter Lady Diegan."
I cleared my throat and the young man turned to look at me; "Please tell the messenger to deliever the message that I am here, tell him to apologize for my suddem departure but Bartholemew has just passed away, and be sure to get the messenger to assure them I will be back in time for my wedding."
The young man nodded and scurried away in the direction of the castle. My mother placed an arm around my shoulder and led me towards the castle.
It had been ages since I had been home, but the castle was exactly how I remembered it, I sighed - It was good to be home even if the circumstances were not ideal.
"If I may be excused to get ready for the funeral" I said turning to face my mother, who nodded and I made my way up the staircase; my feet moving automatically to where my bedroom was.
I slid the bolt on the door and flopped onto the bed, tears swelling in my eyes again, I wanted to punch the pillow in the hope that maybe in doing so it would bring Bartholemew back, but I knew it wouldnt.
From the corner of my room, i spotted a black dress hung from the door of my wardrobe, ready to be worn for the funeral - and thats when I started having second thoughts about going to the funeral after all.
Did I really want my last memories of Bartholemew to be his funeral? No I didn't. I gathered my things and made a beeline for the door.
No-one stopped me leaving the castle; I felt my fathers eyes follow me out the door and I gave him a fleeting look, and knew that he understood. I decided that I'd walk home, so that I'd have time to think; but I hadnt realised how much I had shoved into my saddle bag before I'd left, and as I heaved it along the road - I thought longingly of a horse and carriage!
I must have managed to get at least half way home, before i had realised how exhaused I actually was, I sat down on my saddle back; taking huge breaths to hold back tears that threatened to overcome me. It was no use however, they fell uncontrollably down my cheeks and I made no effort to stop them.
I suddenly felt lightheaded, a mixture of exhaustion and crying so hard as the next second I was lying flat on my back.
I had done something that I had only done twice before in my life.