Thirteen Months Condensed

Thirteen months condensed

It was a long time before things became clear. I'd crouch in the shadows. Never dare rebellion, never tempt fate. My life was ruled constantly by the ugly black monster called fear. I thought those days would never end, that I would die with that monster at my shoulder.

But slowly, over days and days, I pulled myself out into the sun. Forced myself to return your gaze and not bow my head. I never more worried that my end was about to come. I no longer wondered if this world, if my world, was built on lies.

I slowly fed my dark fire, the fire that burns inside.  

Confidence became my friend, my constant companion. I commanded all of the attention I could; trying to make up for the months I had lost hiding in the sidelines. Barely even sheepish of my seventh sin: pride. I grew the pride of a lion. And watching, in secret, your seventh.

Your dark fire, the passion that burned inside of you.

I stared out of the corner of my eyes. You fought, burning others to ashes. I watched you tear people to the ground with your razor-sharp words. But in spite of the things you did, I knew that I'd done worse. It took a few days, that was all. A few days of danger to claim my stake in the world, to feed my dark fire, to fall inexplicably in love with you.

Praying for the first time in years; praying fervently, that our dark fire would meet. Our passion that singed the people who got in the way of the flame.

I thought I knew what happiness was, until you came. You knocked me off my feet. I gave you my heart, free for you to maim as you wished. But I knew, somehow, that you wouldn't beat the poor organ as you could have. I had found a slit in your strong defenses as you had, a slit that led directly to the heart.

My dark fire was burning for you.

You would hold me at night, whispering things I would never dare repeat in my ear. It took all I had inside me to not kiss you too fiercely. It took all I had learned and all the strength I had to not take it one step too far.

It was for a long, long time that our dark fire burned together, as one.

It was the seventh sin that slowly forced us apart. It wormed through our love, and anger sealed around our hearts in time. Our dark, dark fire rotted what we had through the core.

I had hoped that love would conquer all, as the stories say.

But it didn't.

One of us would reach out, through our anger, and try to reach the other. But it failed. Every time. The tension was so thick and tangible that we could feel it as hard as a wall between where we lay.

I can still see you storm out that door, swearing that you would never return. The sudden halting of words. The sky crashing down on me.

Now the shadows have closed back in, following the breaking of a heart. My constant companion left me without a word goodbye. Tears flowing in rivelets through the silence. The web of fear and self-inflicted pain was spun around me again.

Somehow, the dark fire burned on, when I thought it burned on terror. Now I was surrounded by horrors I had never faced.   

And the flames flickered resolutely on.

The End

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