Now this is the part where things get bad, so if you want to stop reading I understand. If you choose to keep reading, then good for you I guess?
Anyway I just want to point out some of these memories are ones I only just uncovered, like him asking me out. I didn't even remember that until I had a long conversation with my mum. She said that at the time, I'd blamed myself quite severely. She said that this is the reason why I've never been able to forget it. I have no clue if I still blame myself. I can reason that I was eleven, how was I to know? But in the same heartbeat I think how stupid was I? All those warning signs and I did nothing. And even after the event itself I kept my mouth shut when I should've told someone. I don't know what to think, but it wouldn't surprise if I did still blame myself to be honest.